One Thousand Lives

A Heart Unwritten

2011-09-05T16:23:00.000-05:00

It can be difficult to find the energy to be creative when you cannot find that balance between pain and suffering, despair and agony.

But it is like they say: Write what you know.

So, here is a bit of flash fiction just for you:

I looked into the mirror this morning and couldn't help but stare.
"What?" the reflection asked.
"I'm sorry. I thought you looked like someone I once knew," I said.
"You always say that," the reflection said.
"Yeah. Sorry."
"You always say that too."
I started the hot water and let the steam build a wall between me and the man I used to be.

Children of the Damned

2011-09-01T09:42:00.002-05:00

As anyone who has known me in real life for more than ten minutes can tell you, I don't like kids. I frequently refer to them as larva, homunculi, spawn, etc. usually in jest. But I am serious about not liking them and having them make me uncomfortable, and I did not realize until just recently why that is.

I am afraid of not doing what is right by them. In my particular case just having one could end up a disaster just on the grounds that my genes are a minefield of debilitating migraines, epilepsy, eye damage, and the obnoxious task of trying to find pants that fit someone over six feet tall but has no waist to speak of. But even if I adopted a child I would still be paralyzed by the fact that I wouldn't know what to teach it, how to talk to it, or how to help it grow into a decent human being. The running joke is that I couldn't shut it out in the hall when it cries like I do the cats.

The reason I feel this was is because we are never really taught what having kids is like. We always hear about how they are a gift, a blessing, a wonder, a treasure, and numerous other positive value adjectives. We hear about how they make your life complete, and for some I imagine that to be true. But the thing is that we are not taught about how they scream all night, need to eat at irregular hours (another reason for me not to have kids since I never grew out of this one), that they are smelly and weird looking, or that your life as you knew it ends when their's begins. This is not to say that my parents never taught me. They did a pretty good job all things considered.

That last point always seems to rub people the wrong way. "That is selfish," they tell me. "It isn't all about you, you know." "They bring value to your life."

Bullshit. It is actually all about me because I am the only person responsible for adding value to my life. Thus that last response is a damned good way to get my blood pressure up. If you require an external source to add value to your life then having children will not make you any more fulfilled and when they grow up and move on you will be stuck with a stranger that looks just like you in the mirror.

Like I said, some people may feel fulfilled by having children. These are people who see that as the path they want to take in life. More power too them since this species, despite its numerous and destructive faults, deserves a future to make things better. Hell, we are genetically programmed to feel that way about kids. But that is no excuse to hide the realities of parenthood from our children.

So I beseech you, people who think its so damn important to have kids, instead of telling people how wonderful it is and giving the false impression of puppies and rainbows all the time, teach them the hard parts too. Teach about the parts that keep you up at night. Teach about the parts skipped in movies and books.

All of the Small Things

2011-08-30T17:50:00.005-05:00

Last May was a rather insane month for me. It involved a new addition to the family (a small fluffy one, not a human larva), the loss of my job, and my first award for painting that actually came with a medal. Had losing my job not been so awful, it would have been the best month I'd had in a long time.

But that last bit is what I really want to talk about. ( I will discuss the puppy later, she requires a bit of time to talk about) What is it about losing one's job that is so devastating? When I lost mine it was like the entire world dumped upside down and broke into a shower of tiny glittering pieces. The initial shock just left me sitting among the ruins of a future that would never be, and I had no idea why I wasn't able to simply pick up and move on.

I still haven't completely moved on due to the fact that I haven't found a job and other extenuating circumstances continue to have the details of the loss of my job haunt me constantly. It is just like having food poisoning. Whenever I think of starting a new job I get sick to my stomach even though I know it is what I need in order to stay afloat.

Lucky for us all there is a cure. It has to be drained out, in drips and gushes, until it is no longer in one's system. The trick is finding an outlet fast enough to stop it from spreading to other parts of your life and even future performance.

And so that is what I am doing. In drips and gushes, I am removing this poison one letter at a time.

What are you doing?

2011-08-29T18:22:00.005-05:00

I ran into one of my old professors today and like many people who have not seen each other in a while we asked one another what we were up to.

I asked him about what he was teaching, and he cut that off and asked me point blank:

"Forget about that though. What are you doing?"

It was right about then that two thoughts came into my head. One was a screaming shallow noise machine designed to mask its quiet and powerful partner. This first thought gave all of the normal excuses:

"Looking for work."

"Working on my writing/painting/underwater basket weaving."

"Taking care of the puppy."

All of them true but useless and unspecific.

The other thought that was hiding right behind them was far more terrifying. It whispered its quiet poison into my mind:

"nothing"

It was then that Nietzsche's abyss stared back into me for it was also the moment that I realized I had been staring into it ever since I had lost my job. Or, more ominously, longer still.

Like all good questions it opened up into many more, but only two really mattered in this transcendental 'oh shit' moment: "Why?" and "What are you going to do about it?"

At this current time I don't know the answer to either one.

Conveniently by the time I got home I had come down with one of those psyche shattering migraines I am prone to and as such had a great excuse for lying curled in the fetal position in my bed. I spent the rest of my day running on automatic as my mind raced through oblivion and arrived at nowhere.

It was definitely one of those damn days.

Milestones

2011-06-11T11:03:00.002-05:00

Milestones are completely arbitrary points that we place in time in order to mark its passing and to give ourselves some metric with which to measure progress. Usually they are the anniversary of an important date: birthdays, deaths, major conflicts, first time actions, etc. Often we mark them one of two ways: by celebration or by solemn reflection.

Yesterday marked the passing of th 9th anniversary of the day I decided to try and build a life with one woman. This milestone, this marker, is a pretty big deal on the face of it. It means that we have spent 35% of our lives together, trying to make our way in the world. We have watched each other grow and change and slowly become the adults that we want to be. It has not always been fun, or exciting, and there have been terrible troubles and great moments of despair. But through it all we have grown and learned to be new people who adapt together.

Often times people say "nothing lasts forever" and that is certainly true. But to spend that much time with someone, to spend what feels like three lifetimes because of the amount we have changed, makes someone more important than worrying about things like "forever". It is because we are not who we will be, and we are not who we were.

There is only here and now and who we are at the start of this our tenth year.

And so I say it here and now, for all and none to see: Thank you, my love, for the time we have had together. I look forward to who we will be at the sunset of next year and for every year we grow after that.

On the Value of Experience

2011-06-03T10:47:00.006-05:00

Experience is one of those buzzwords that comes up anytime someone decides to examine someone else's credentials. But what is it really? What makes "5 years of related experience" a testable and reliable metric for making sure someone is qualified for a position?

The short answer is easy: it isn't a good metric at all, but it is a really easy (if stupid, which I will mention discuss in a moment) to weed out candidates that are unlikely to fit. The only real problem with this system is that it assumes being near something is what makes experience. This is fundamentally erroneous since it implies that just by being in Spain I will become Spanish through some sort of cultural osmosis. To a degree this will occur, but how many of us have friends who have returned from abroad decked out in the local dress and speaking a smattering of the language, but unable to tell you much more than that about the local color?

Most of us, I am sure.

This is also true in the work place. Many times people complain about managers who know less about whats going in in the department as a whole than the people on the floor. This is to a certain extent true since if the manager knew every single little detail he would be a micromanaging tyrant, but we often run up against management that has no idea what is going on and the people on the floor are expected to fill them in before the big meeting. The problem becomes that if both of us leave that company and apply at Big Bob's Mayo Warehouse to the same management position, he will get it due to his "5 years of experience managing department X"

This superficial view of experience is downright dangerous at times when it comes to electing our leadership. Just look at the 2008 election when people were crowing from the rooftops about Obama only spending a couple of years as a junior Senator and community organizer before becoming President. Yet these same people paraded out for us Sarah Palin, a woman who they championed because of her "experience as governor of Alaska". She was the boss who had no idea what was happening on the floor, but our culture's obsession with superficial experience attempted to put her one heartbeat away from running our country in one of its most dire situations in the last few decades.

All in all wanting experience is a good thing and is something we should look for, but the catch is that we have to know what we are looking for. It isn't enough to just have someone who was in a position but didn't actually do anything or learn anything. The perfect example of this is the renaming of positions so that they sound more important that they really are. "Specialist" is the new "Assistant", "Technician" is the new entry level. With all of this flash and showmanship flying around, it can be difficult to find out what is real amidst all of the sound and fanfare.

But really it is this simple: When someone puts their best foot forward, make sure it is really there and that it is attached to a leg for them to stand on.

So A Lot Has Happened...

2011-05-31T10:44:00.002-05:00

I worked for a company the shortest I ever have outside of a contract and as such am now unemployed. That's a complicated viper pit at the moment and am not at liberty to discuss it at the moment, but trust me its a doozy.

It isn't all bad though! A brand new day has dawned for our household with addition of another family member. Astra, our super puppy, has been home for 4 days now and is a handful. My experiences with her so far have reinforced my desire to never procreate of my own will and volition. But she is wonderful and we love her dearly. Pictures forthcoming.

My painting has taken an amazing leap forward and managed to land me a bronze at Reapercon a couple weeks back, so that was fun. First medal ever. Feels gooooood.

Anywho, more writing on this thing since I don't have much else to do. Look forward to doing some shouting into the void since it is always so cathartic.

A Reckoning (of sorts)

2011-04-02T12:05:00.001-05:00

I drove down the central avenue of the university for the first time in a year, and it felt odd. Nothing had changed, hell even the people looked similar, but it still felt like I was seeing the place for the first time. It drifted past my eyes like the haunting melody of some childhood tune that I couldn't remember hearing but I could not get out of my head all the same. Though it had only been a year, and nothing about it was different, but still it appeared alien.
The slow realization dawned that, like the distance between me and that childhood melody, it was I that had changed. The distance was my own, built on enough change in myself to create the feeling of a lifetime between now and the last time I had made this simple, half a mile drive.
That night I slept with a soundness that I have only experienced a handful of times. I closed my eyes enveloped in the walls of this strange canyon of time, and I slept in the echoing song of memories as they tried to bridge this gap.
When I woke I made a discovery that was so personally profound that all I could muster was a half-hearted "hmph."
I had discovered that now, after years of pretending, I am and perhaps always have been an adult. This notion made me smile a deep, warm, and quiet smile. Breakfast tasted better because it was a breakfast that I had chosen and purchased with my skills and knowledge. Playing with the cats was more fun because I cared for them and they cared for me. Spending time with that lovely woman in my life was more fulfilling than it ever had been because I really, finally understood what the years we had spent together really meant in terms of patience, sacrifice, and growth. I loved her more than I ever could have before because I didn't know (and likely still don't) how much deeper that feeling could go.
I will have more to say on the subject later, but I wanted to get this out while it was fresh.

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IdleMinds

2011-03-30T23:20:00.001-05:00

After having the last week or so off work, I have found that my does not rest well. As such I have found the time to finally sit down and paint again. This is something I should have been doing all along since it stimulates my desire to write. I have found it helpful to relate everything I do with writing so that it in turn all becomes fuel for stories.
When I am working on a mini it gets easy: colors can all be there for a reason. The news is even easier still since writers write what they know.
But how does the idle mind help the writer? It doesn't because idle minds don't exist. Have you ever really tried to clear your mind and think about nothing? It's damned impossible since the very act of thinking about nothing is thinking about something. So finding that connection to things, even in our most idle of moments, is what makes us capable of what we do.

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The Blind King and his Hollow Men

2011-03-24T14:37:00.003-05:00

So I am free at last from the shackles of my former employer and am free now to wander the wilds of society for a couple of weeks before my new job begins. I would like to be clear about one thing: I did not hate my job. Much to the contrary most days I loved it. The people I interacted with for the majority of my day were all funny, competent, and sensible. They were always quick to laugh and joke, but also to take firm in hand any problems that arose. Most importantly: they could be reasoned with. If something made clear logical sense then it was adopted and implemented with little to no grief.

But this was middle management. We were not on top of the dog pile and those above us were the issue. It is difficult to look at someone who sees you as a liability and a drain on their wallet and not get sick every time you do it. It is near impossible to discuss serious growth policy when you are told that "Quality is not what is important, just completion." It is absolutely insurmountable to overcome the feeling of absolute loathing that comes from watching people take pay and hour cuts just so those at the top can toss a few extra pennies into a bucket full of millions of dollars.

I understand that every business must make money. Thats the whole point of being in business in the first place, but we aren't talking about quantities of pencils or a quota of rough spun wool, we were talking about people's lives and careers. If you have never had someone look at you as if you were asking for their lung or liver just for asking for a budget of $10, then I assure you that the feeling you get watching Scrooge yell at Cratchit about putting another coal in the fire doesn't even come close to how it really is. The bit about $10 for a budget is not an exaggeration or hyperbole, it was a fight that literally lasted weeks on end.

It is like looking into the eyes of a starving animal. There is no understanding of the hunger, no thought to what is consumed as long as the pain and desire are slaked at least for a short time. I do not understand it, nor can I without some context. But when I recall this time, I will forever see the Blind King upon his throne, bloated but starving, draining the substance from those who serve him until they feel they have nothing left and thus will never run.

So now this Wandering Scholar leaves behind the Blind King and his kingdom of husks and noble souls to move on to a new puzzle to solve.

Near Limitless

2011-02-19T15:55:00.004-06:00

Creativity is one of those buzz words that get tossed around so much in elementary schools that it loses its meaning for most people. When every macaroni drawing by little Timmy Anklebiter is considered The Most Creative Thing Since Davinci (tm) and everyone is expected to agree and swoon lest you hurt Mommy and Timmy's feelings, it can be damned hard to sit down and have an earnest talk about what the word actually means. Like political rhetoric, people's feelings about being the best tend to make a whole lot of noise with not a damned ounce of substance and it all comes from one nagging thought at the back of our heads:

"If I wasn't born gifted, then I am not worth anything."

Which is of course utter horse shit. This is an underlying part of our culture where con artists and advertising agents play host to the devils and demons that haunt us and we obsess over what it means to really be gifted, or creative, or anything like that.

The worst thing you can say to a pro-athlete, or artist, or writer, or any number of other highly skilled professionals is "Wow, you got lucky." First off, how insulting. How the fuck do you come to the conclusion that years of work, study, practice, and dedication have somehow not had any impact on the outcome?

Oh right, I already answered that part. You were told from birth that people are born with these gifts, so obviously that professional X that you were talking too was just going to do whatever it was anyway so no worries.

This would be a good time to learn what its like to be dead wrong.

Many people are born with natural talents, it is true. But how many of them have any chance at real success? Not much it turns out. Athletes train every damned day. Writers pour out thousands of words that never even see a printed piece of paper, let alone the inside of a bookstore shelf.

This brings me back to my original point: Creativity, and what it is. First big surprise: it is a learned skill. Inherently creativity is nothing more than chewing up little bits of this fitful sleep we call reality and then digesting them into little proteins that our brains can then use to fuel a furnace that churns out our dreams. Thats it. Just a drawing of connections between point A and point B in a way that makes it so we can deal with and relate to each other and the reality we inhabit.

Are some people born better at it? Of course they are. Not everyone is born with the necessary physique and hand-eye coordination for sports. Not everyone is born with the ability to even SEE color, let alone paint a photo-realistic, true color painting of the Urals in winter.

But that is what is so great about it. We don't have to be able to do it that way in order to be great. Everything has an artistry to it. This is something that I try and teach my students constantly. You don't have to write music or sculpt a masterpiece in order to be an artist. There are ways to tease out the beauty and details of damned near anything, whether you are an accountant looking at the narrative woven by the numbers in front of you or you are a pilot tearing off the runway as the forces of physics and the ingenuity of the human mind takes you literally higher and higher. These are true and honest things. Things that are as much about dealing with reality as any famous painting or gentle poem. They are things that are deserving of the term "art" because they are things that we create and use to expand our lives.

Try it sometime. Next time you go into the office, or wherever you get work done, and look at the details of your day. Track how you used to do things, and draw those connections to other things. Digest your reality and find the beauty in it because once you do then the creativity will flow out. Solutions will come to problems. Answers will leap to your lips before the questions are even asked.

The possibilities are near limitless.

But it takes work. No one is born that lucky.

The King's Speech

2011-02-15T19:53:00.005-06:00

The other night I went out with the lady friend and a few other less specific friends to see the film The King's Speech. I would like to get the trivial part of this discussion out of the way first by saying it was a damned fine film that kept a good pace as nothing really happened. No aliens invaded, there were no menacing criminals blackmailing the throne, no super villains had designs on world domination, and there were no robots (which normally would be a strike against it but I will let it slide as I am in a good mood).

What did interest me was how much of an interplay between psychology and linguistics I saw. It is really common knowledge that our speech patterns and choices are ingrained into our brains by the environment that we occupy, but it had never really dawned on me that a "skipped track" if you will could cause one to have a speech impediment. In my studies I came across cases of people who were mute or otherwise incapable of speech due to some sort of trauma, but I had (in hindsight foolishly) never made the connection between the same and stammering. Working with students from China has introduced me to a plethora of confidence issues that I had never really known to exist outside of the cinematic scope and the film really nailed the idea soundly into that worthless lump of meat twixt my ears that the same techniques could be used to help my students when they are on the radios. Despite my tendencies towards... unorthodox methods of teaching, I would have never really considered speech therapy since it sits nicely outside of my scope of education.

Many people who I work with mistake comprehension issues in the students as a lack of vocabulary, but usually what happens when they are brought back to me they blossom and begin to discuss very complex and technical topics. This eventually leads to the revelation that they are, in fact, scared to death of their instructors and the tower.

Confidence is such an integral part of our daily speech patterns and it never fails to amaze me that the company I work for does nothing to encourage an environment where these uprooted people are given someplace to grow into. Instead they are thrown headlong into the daily grind and told from day one "DO EVERYTHING EXACTLY RIGHT OR YOU WILL GO HOME IN SHAME." This is not the right way to do things, but to change hearts and minds you must start at the bottom. As such I will take what I have learned in this film and redouble my efforts with my students and will strive to be that one friend they might need while on this wild adventure.

The Phoenix and the Hearth

2011-02-12T16:11:00.003-06:00

It has been a long damned time since I sat down here in order to get my thoughts together. I said I would restart this blog when I had the mental resources to deal with it, but in hindsight that is probably the opposite of what I should have done. Our brains are far more resilient than we give them credit for, and it is exactly when we cannot think that we should the most.

So, to old business. When last we parted I was unemployed with few prospects on the horizon, cast out into a college town with a degree in literature and mounting medical costs. But a month or so later I was employed at the strangest job I have ever had. It is one of those peculiar aspects of life that makes it so much fun, all the while being the most frustrating, insane, and terminal condition one can have. In the course of a year, I have gone from a minimum wage nobody to overseeing the career (and English proficiency) of Chinese airline pilots.

If you have never spent a great deal of time with a large group of people from another country and were left to sink or swim among them, DO SO. It is a very character building endeavor. Also work around pilots, they are subtly insane lot that really protracts the general insanity of the human race.

I also recommend that you spend a period of time stewing in your own you-ness, which sounds very gross when I write it but its out there now so I am sticking with it. Not enough people do this and it is troubling. I am not recommending joining your local yogi's breathing sessions or gallivanting through the countryside in some misguided attempt to "rediscover your roots". Those are stupid and, worse yet, tired old tropes foisted upon us from on high.

What I mean is, turn off the light and look in the mirror. I mean really look. Let your eyes adjust, and let whatever shows up, show up. Author's Disclaimer: Do not do this if you are afraid of any one of the following: the dark, mirrors, or (like myself) your own visage. We here at Jarrad Corp are not responsible for any damages to lights, mirrors, or persons. But in all seriousness, it has done me a lot of good. Teaching language has forced me to stop and draw connections to myself and the tiny little world I occupy. It seems like a Herculean task at first, but you will find that these connections to the world are all that really keep you from being cast adrift when things go wrong. Otherwise, the few anchors you do have just get tangled beneath and pier and drown you (much like this metaphor).

So, in short, sorry I am back but there is damned little that can be done about it. Buckle in and lets talk.

I'm Out.

2009-10-21T23:27:00.002-05:00

There is a scarcity of the key resources to run this blog at the moment, and it has been this way for many months. As it is medically related, I will not be going into it here or likely anywhere outside of those who know me in person. I will likely resume once all is said and done.

The Protomen: Act 2

2009-09-14T11:54:00.003-05:00

I highly recommend this album. Not just because it has Megaman overtones, or because it is an amazing story about humanity.

Mostly I recommend this album because it will BLOW YOUR FACE OFF WITH AWESOME.

There. It was nice to get that out. I have listened to the the demo version of Breaking Out about a gajillion times, but the final version on the actual CD was something unexpectedly wicked. It kicks ass through twelve tracks of striking lyrics and guitar solos.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to buy it and rock the fuck out:

GO!

Writing Projects.

2009-08-30T01:54:00.003-05:00

Communication is going to be intermittent as I switch gears and start working on some new contract work with Reaper Miniatures.

My posting schedule will remain unchanged, as it is currently dictated by whether or not I remember to wake up in the morning, followed promptly by me remembering that I have a blog.

So, that being said, everyone go out and learn to play Warlord so that you can buy the new book I am working on when it comes out.

Yes, you will be graded, and no there is no extra credit.

The SSA trip.

2009-08-10T16:06:00.003-05:00

I so wish I could have gone on the SSA trip to the Creation "Museum", but alas life kept me here in Texas. BUT! But there have been some fantastic descriptions and insightful commentary on the things witnessed.

My favorites so far:

http://blaghag.blogspot.com/2009/08/creation-museum-part-1.html
http://blaghag.blogspot.com/2009/08/creation-museum-part-2.html

and
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/08/the_creation_museum_1.php

The pictures alone are to die for.

Reaper's Charity Piece!

2009-08-04T13:12:00.003-05:00

Huzzah! Reaper miniatures has posted their charity miniature: The Echidnox!

Also, they are donating the proceeds to Child's Play, a wonderful charity that deserves more attention than it gets.

Keep up the great work guys, and everyone go support both parties if you can.

Read until your Irony Meter detonates.

2009-08-03T12:42:00.004-05:00

I remember back when I was not a boy scout. It was the whole of my twenty four years of life from the outside looking in and being vaguely envious of those jerks and their camping trips. But the thing that almost made me take the plunge was the idea of merit badges.

The whole concept appeals to me to this day. Reward and recognition for learning a new skill? Hot damn.

Their compliment, the Girl Scouts, do basically the same thing except for chicks since both groups have genital based discrimination policies. (There are some skills I am sure they do not want to issue merit badges for.)

So I was surprised when I read this article about a girl being given the highest honor available for teaching children about creationism, acquiring a creationist library for her church, and building a model of Noah's ark.
Now, on the surface these seem nice. Working with kids and helping your church are community service, building a model of some sort is some great arts and crafts, and talking about creationism is creative story telling. (Which if they offer a badge for story telling I am so kicking myself for not joining the scouts way back when.)

The part that had me laughing was the name of her project. Alternate Reality. I shit you not. I can only imagine this statement being delivered with a straight face, followed by beaming pride and possibly a single tear rolling down her cheek.

Which brings to light, if that is what she believes her teachings and statements are, then WHY IS SHE TEACHING THEM TO CHILDREN.
According to dictionary.com:
Alternate ( awl-ter-neyt)

1.	to interchange repeatedly and regularly with one another in time or place; rotate (usually fol. by with): Day alternates with night.

2.	to change back and forth between conditions, states, actions, etc.: He alternates between hope and despair.

3.	to take turns: My sister and I alternated in doing the dishes.

4.	Electricity. to reverse direction or sign periodically.

5.	Linguistics. to occur as a variant in alternation with another form.

Reality (ree-al-i-tee)

1.	the state or quality of being real.

2.	resemblance to what is real.

3.	a real thing or fact.

4.	real things, facts, or events taken as a whole; state of affairs: the reality of the business world; vacationing to escape reality.

Philosophy.

a.	something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.

b.	something that exists independently of all other things and from which all other things derive.

6.	something that is real.

7.	something that constitutes a real or actual thing, as distinguished from something that is merely apparent.

This alone should bring to light that she is deriving something other than the reality we all live in and teaching it to small children. That is so many levels of not right that I don't know why it could, or would be honored in the slightest.

Then again, maybe I am being a bit harsh. I don't have all the details, so it may be a different situation all together (if so let me know). But based on what is here, I think my envy for the scouts has waned just a tad.

Revenge (Cont.)

2009-07-31T11:45:00.003-05:00

It had been six months since Benam left the relative safety of his former master's home, and already he almost missed it. At least he would, if the pain wasn't so excruciating.

"Hold still boy," the surgeon said as two of Benam's lieutenants grabbed his shoulders. "This is going to hurt like hell."

Before Benam could respond, the surgeon pulled, setting the leg his horse had landed on in the battle. The crunch of the bones and grinding of the meat around him was almost too much, and he threw up the hardtack that had been stewing in his belly since before the fight.

"Well, stay off of it if you can, and if you can't don't complain to me when I have to do that again."

"Are the," Benam asked, gasping, "the tallies in on casualties and an itemization of what we pulled off the bastards?"

"Yessir," said Corman. Benam had picked the man up somewhere along the road in the Principality of Vaegiers, and he had proved a very capable second.

"Well?"

"Three dead, all recruits from our trip down by the coast. Eight wounded, including you and I, but the doctor says we all will live. We also got about ten prisoners who surrendered."

"You are wounded?" Benam asked, looking Cormain over.

"Yessir, three arrows to the body sir. Left arm probably useless for holding a shield for a while."

"You never use a shield anyway."

"That is true sir, but I had considered it in hindsight since had I had the sense to do so in that last battle I would have saved myself and arrow in the arm."

Benam smiled, and laid back down on the table. He was dizzy from blood loss, and his leg was aching through his entire body. But all in all, not a bad day. They had been trailing a mercenary warband for over a month, watching to see who was paying them. As per their orders from High Prince Yekovik, once the information was obtained the enemy mercs became free game for Benam's men. It had been a long time since they had a successful encounter, and moral was running low as rumors spread about the coffers running out.

"Speaking of shields. The spoils?"

"I was hoping you would ask sir. We got a present for you."

"A present?"

"Yessir. Boris! Bring me that present we got for our wounded captain!"

Boris, the unit's smith, lumbered in and filled the doctor's tent with the smell of ash and oil. He was carrying in his arms an oilskin wrapped parcel.

"Well, you busted it up something fierce with your lance, but she held up good and strong. A little buffing and laying in with my hammer took out that problem. Might fit a little off kilter, but she will serve you well," the lumbering hulk said as he unwrapped the oilskin.

What he revealed was the finest suit of plate armor Benam had seen outside of a castle. It was folded Swadian plate steel, fitted for riding and able to set with a lance and unlock to swing a blade.

"That is... that is a rather nice set of armor," Benam said, searching for words to serve him. He had found it easier to martial men than he ever had his own tounge.

"NICE! NICE!" Boris said, flustered, "This is the stuff we made for Lords back in Swadia! We wouldn't even accept an order for lest it was up front twenty thousand Denars!"

"You could make this stuff?" Cormain asked, frustration edging into his voice.

"Not lest you got twenty thousand Denars. Takes me near on four months to make one set, and I have to have a separate set of dips and new hammer's and stakes. Can't risk hurting the metal. Plus the steel itself comes straight from Pravin..."

"I get it, I get it!" Cormain said, holding up his hands.

"Anything else?" Benam asked, smiling.

"Yeah, seized about fifteen thousand Denars in coin, and another forty or so in tradeable equipment," Cormain said, reading off of his scroll.

"Tradeable?" Benam asked.

"Sir, according to the King of Swadia's own smith Boris, these gentlemen were well equipped. Very well equipped. That fifteen thousand we took apparently wasn't all that unusual," Cormain said.

"So who was paying them?" Benam asked, growing annoyed at this point as the shock wore off.

"It is Lord Raichs," said a woman's voice outside the tent flap.

Benam winced, but couldn't help the vicious smile that crept onto his lips.

"Well you might as well come in Caren," Benam said.

She had joined up with Benam as he fled Rhodokius, both travelling on the same road at the same pace in silence. They had gone on like that for a day, and they pitched camp together that night on the Swadian border.

"I too am fleeing Raich's grasp, though not from his house," she said.

"If not his house, then why?" he asked her.

"To prevent having to flee his house, for I was to be his bride. But to be bound to the man who killed my father and known to brag of his goings on with other women would be a fate far greater than any torture."

"I see. Well, if revenge is what you seek, then our missions are the same. Can you fight?"

"Yes, I can use a blade an a lance. I can also ride and shoot, all the thanks to my father and eldest brother. But before I join you, why is that you flee from the safety of Raich's house?"

"Sir," Cormain said, interrupting Benam's memories.

"Yes?"

"Are you listening?" Caren asked.

"No. Sorry, I got dizzy from the pain. What were you saying?"

"If Raich is the one funding this mercenaries, then he is pushing this war with our employers even farther than they realize."

Benam sat up and let his leg dangle over the edge. Thoughts ran through his head, and he tried to silence the maelstrom. But standing at the eye of it all was that quiet whisper of "Revenge".

"Marshal the men. We set out tomorrow as soon as possible."

"Destination?" Cormain asked.

"Uaxhal. We take this information directly to the High Prince. Boris, reequip my officers and then the junior officers. Anything left over split up among the squads for their captains to distribute as a reward."

"Yessir," they said in unison and left.

Caren came over and helped Benam up off the table. Six months since they had left Rhodokius. One month since their first battle. Two months since they accepted a contract from the High Prince of the Vaegirs to deal with the mercenary war bands that were looting border towns.

Now, after that, Raich's death had come one day closer, and it couldn't taste sweeter.

Tomorrows Future, Today

2009-07-31T10:20:00.005-05:00

I love science on what can probably be described as 'obsessive' level, and anyone who knows me can attest to that (often with a sigh and roll of the eyes).

One thing I love about science is its accessibility and the sheer volume of available information. Especially information on the speculative impacts based on lines of research. This is hard SF gold.

So, before I ramble on until your eyes bleed, please enjoy these lectures by George Church and J. Craig Venter on the synthetic genome, brought to you by Edge.

Lecture 1 is of particular interest to writers, he almost makes it too easy.

Woo fun!

2009-07-30T13:04:00.004-05:00

(A note: I updated the stream of consciousness article to include links to everything for the morbidly curious.)

Ok, so I messed up the posting schedule on "Revenge" and then ended up deleting half the posts, so Revenge Pts. 2-5 will be released tomorrow in just one abridged piece. Sorry, having to rebuild things off my notes.

I feel rather stupid for deleting them without checking if I had backups, but senseless seems to be one of my strengths so I will wear it as a badge of honor and register republican.

To entertain in the mean time:

super awesome shirt x2

Extra awesome speculation on the up coming SSA visit to the Creation "Museum" (Read the rest of her stuff while you are there, all good.)

And since reading is something we all love to do: A great SF story for free courtesy of Tor.

(A note

Ficly

2009-07-06T15:22:00.004-05:00

I recently joined the Ficly in order to practice writing shorter fiction and being more careful about word choice. That and it seems like a hoot.

You can find me at http://ficly.com/authors/jarrad

For those of you (if there are any) who are waiting for revenge part 2 and 3, they should drop this weekend after my final.

Artist of the (Not so) Week

2009-06-18T15:01:00.003-05:00

Been a while since I posted something on this topic.

http://ericfreitas.com/index.php

I enjoy this style of art work for two rather obvious reasons:
1. Steam punk looking objects make me all weak kneed and excitable
2. I rather enjoy the deconstructionist look to them.

When I was very young, I used to love to see old machines that had broken down and been disassembled. It was great. Even greater still, was when they were left exposed to the elements and slowly came apart.

Mr. Freitas' art does a good job, at least in me personally, of recapturing that same feeling.

So, your mission, go check it out.

Stream of Consciousness as Illustrated by Wikipedia

2009-06-01T17:56:00.004-05:00

The following is a series of articles I read on Wikipedia today, all because I forgot the name of an obscure figure from a classic Chinese novel.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms -> Zhang Jiao -> immortal spirit (Xian-Taoism) -> Digital Dictionary of Buddhism -> XML -> appendix -> Appendix of the Epidiymis -> Wolffian Duct -> cloaca -> Urohydrosis -> New World Vultures -> monotypic -> Bearded Reedling -> passerine -> Pygmy-Tyrants -> hummingbirds -> hum -> tones -> Heinrich Hertz -> contact mechanics -> tribology -> corrosion -> ceramics -> refractory -> sintering -> Middle High German -> Gothic Miniscule -> ligature -> Cuneiform -> Proto-Writing -> Neo-Lithic Signs in China.

It was here I decided I had come far too close to full circle for the day, and got back to what I should have been doing all along. Damn you Wikipedia for being so damned useful to me as a writer, and also so damned distracting.

Revenge Pt. 1

2009-05-28T17:48:00.004-05:00

A note about these texts: I write them very quickly and with little to no editing. As it flows into my head, so shall it be laid down. So, if you find an error you cannot let stand, feel free to leave a comment.

It was a normal, overcast spring day in the Confederacy of Rhodokius as Benam made his way down the rain soaked street. His pace carried him through the muck with the quick vigor of a man on urgent business.

He came to the edge of the paved roads in Jaekal, and turned quickly onto the main road as he pulled up his cloak. Arthur's shop was just a few blocks from where he currently was, and the nearest guardhouse was at least three farther than that.

Traffic was busy today, which was good if you didn't want to be noticed, but it bothered him since that meant increased militia activity in the area, and Benam was unsure as to whether his theft had been noticed yet.

Breathing a sigh of relief and shaking off the paranoia that threatened to set in, Benam ducked into Arthur LaPoint's shop.

“Busy day today,” LaPoint said, not even looking up from his ledger.

“If that is the case, then why is your store empty?” Benam asked as he walked to the counter.

“Seems my normal clientele are lying low since it is Festival soon and the High Council has their dogs out to make sure things go smoothly. But more than a few have mentioned that if a certain trinket came my way, I was to let their buyers know post haste.”

Benam smiled and pulled his stolen treasure from his pocket. The glittering object was a pendant that was inlayed with exotic gems and emblazoned with the House Raichs’ coat of arms.

“Well, Lord Raichs is not going to be happy this went missing. Hopefully some poor concerned noble looking to curry favor with the Councilman will snap the curio up from the villainous hands that try and pawn it in some dive.”

“Speaking of,” Benam said, holding out his hand, “I believe we had an agreement. Lest the militia be alerted to the existence of such a pawn too early in the game.”

“Always so serious, Sir Benam. Though I must say, I am a bit confused as to why you would steal from your lord’s keep.”

“The same reason anyone betrays the hand that feeds them. Revenge.”

“I see,” Lapoint said, looking over the pendant. “Well, as agreed, two thousand denars. A word of advice from one who spends a lot of time in the shadows, revenge is a bloody affair and should be avoided lest it seek you next.”

“No, it is much too late for that.” Benam said. “Just as his transgression against me fuels my rage, so too shall his treasure fill my coffers and feed the men who will come knocking one day soon.”

He put the coin purse into his robes as the slow spattering of rain began outside.

LaPoint merely shook his head, made a note in his ledger and summoned his page to deliver the good news to the various minor councilmen who would find value in returning the pendant to its rightful owner.

Benam stepped into the ever increasing downpour, turned, and strode out the front gate, a smile on his face for the first time in weeks.

New Project!

2009-05-28T00:51:00.005-05:00

I play way too many videogames. They steal away from my productivity, so I have decided that it is time to make them work for me.

I have always had a habit of just kind of mentally plotting out the adventures and thoughts of the character's I play whenever a particular scene strikes me. This, it occurred to me far later than it should have, would be a great way for me to practice small writing techniques and hone my characterization and scene setting if only I committed them to some media other than the meat twixt my ears.

This is where you readers come in. For your personal entertainment I will post small snippets of story following the progress of the character of whatever game I am currently playing. I will also include on the first post of each series a link to the game I am playing as well as a brief synopsis about the general plot and the company who made it.

So, onward to round one. The game for this one is Mount and Blade, a middle ages tactical/combat RPG. As the player you are dropped headlong into a sandbox world to rise in the ranks of the kingdom of your choice or simply raise hell. Your call. The graphics for the game are a bit dated, but the combat, should you utilize everything at your disposal, is very deep.

Our hero for this tale will be Benam, a young page who left his post in order to acquire the means of revenge against a Lord in his realm.

So buckle up, and lets get ready for Revenge.

The Stars

2009-05-25T05:56:00.003-05:00

Recently, one of my projects has had me thinking a great deal about the stars and the universe that we live in. As a writer, one of the things one has to do is keep a big picture in ones head so that the story relates the proper scale of things, but this can get a bit difficult when you try and think of anything much larger than say... a small island.

To help put things in perspective for things on a galactic scale, I use a program called Celestia. Just viewing our solar system is a head trip. Zooming out far enough from Sol just to take in the whole of the solar system renders the inner planets nigh on invisible. Distances out side are damned HUGE. Its amazing and more than a little bit humbling.

What amazes me even more, is the fact that every day those distant stars grow just a wee bit closer. With each unmanned probe, and each new ground based advance, we inch our way out of the protective shell of Terra, and reach our fledgling hands towards those closest of objects.

It is enough to set the imagination aflame of even the most incurious of peoples. This introduces the second problem with writing about space: namely that it is so varied and alien to the senses that it is almost too big of a sandbox for the imagination to play in.

Almost.

One of my favorite themes inside of science fiction, and one that I don't feel has been explored enough, is the idea that we are so damned small in a universe so big that our minds can't even visualize it. It is so beyond our sense of scale! Yet we strive towards it in our imaginations so much, that we make it into as much a reality as possible!

Whew. Sorry, was getting a bit excitable. It is late, so I will just leave you with a video narrated by one of my heroes:

Busy

2009-04-02T17:23:00.002-05:00

Last seven weeks of the my (hopefully) last semester here at the University, so I am going to be pretty hit and miss for a while.

In the mean time, Nic has a new game out, so knock yourselves out.

The game is a great little platformer with a neat jump mechanism: toss out concussion grenades to increase your jump.
Simple? No, the game is hard as hell, but well worth a play though.

No, BAD BSG, BAD.

2009-03-20T21:59:00.003-05:00

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

More on this later, but for the time being, FUCK YOU RON MOORE.

Player's Handbook 2

2009-03-18T12:43:00.002-05:00

So yesterday the Player's Handbook 2 came out for DnD 4E, and damn is it awesome. While some of the races leave me with a resounding meh (I'm looking at you, Deva), the new classes absolutely blow me away.

Avenger seems to be the class I had in mind when I rolled up a paladin, which is great for multiclassing later. Too bad I can't change my race and become a Gnome.

I recommend grabbing a copy (if you can find it, a lot of places around here were selling out as soon as it hit shelves) and if you aren't in the middle of a game now, start one up with these new classes involved.

Great job on the part of the WotC and the R&D team, I think this is my favorite DnD edition yet.

On Finding Morals Postgod

2009-03-12T17:12:00.003-05:00

I am sure that many of us have heard the absolutely hilarious myth that if you do not believe in a deity, or subscribe to a religion then you amoral. This is patently absurd and is best met with a bit of a chuckle.
Morality, as I see it, is derived from the feeling of empathy that we have.

Often the response is "Well, if there is no after life, what is the point?" It bothers me when this is the first thought about our morality. A desire for reward, or a fear of punishment, should not be the motivating factor for us to do good in this world. That is selfish and barely above self-preservation.

Morality is not something passive. It is not following the rules, and making sure all of your i's are dotted. No, it is something active. Something we must try to do, and do it only for the reason that we are here, now, and must live with our actions.

I do not need a god to judge me on this, for the worst judge is the one I must face in the mirror each morning. If I cannot live with what I have done to myself and my fellow man, then who can? I do not kill because to kill another is to void my own protest against someone killing me or those I love. To steal is to give up claim against others who take what is mine.

To live a moral life, all one must do is look at what they enjoy, and realize that without the order instilled by a basic moral code derived from basic human empathy it would likely disappear. It is not given to us by higher powers, it is not even authoritarian.

It is simply a social agreement between people that agree that mutual survival is greater than individual hedonistic pursuits and the dangers that those bring.

So, you do not need to look to the heavens to find what is the good path. You need only to look into a mirror and walk in the other person's shoes.

The other common claim is that godless morality is subjective. This is also false. There are some absolutes that manifest themselves. The problem with these absolutes is that they swim in an almost endless sea of gray special instances.

Is it always a bad thing to kill someone? I would argue that yes, it is. But what about the case of self defense? I would still say yes it is bad, but damned if it would stop me in defending myself and those that I care for.

Is it wrong to steal? Yes, obviously, you are taking what someone else has earned for yourself. But in the case of survival? Then the above case applies, but once again, I would not begrudge those who did it if it was a matter of life and death.

So what we have is a big machine that we have designed to protect ourselves and each other, that is held together with duct tape and boils down to don't fuck with each other and keep your hands to yourself. Do not cause harm, and do not hurt others for personal gain. Thats not that hard a concept, and we do not need a deity to help us through it.

Pandemic! (New Board Game)

2009-03-10T18:24:00.002-05:00

Last night I was introduced to Pandemic! by Zman games. It was so much crazy fun and unique in the fact that it was a cooperative endeavor between the players against the game itself.

The way it works is that 3-5 players are all assigned various roles and must work together to stop a global pandemic of four diseases.
The roles are:
Medic: Can heal all disease from a city and administer known cures for free
Dispatcher: Can move any player to a city with another player in it.
Researcher: Can trade any data with a player in the city.
Scientist: Can find a cure with 4 color cards instead of 5
Civil Operations: Builds research facilities to allow easier access for scientists and allow faster travel.

In a turn you have four actions: movement, curing, role abilities, ect. After that two player cards are drawn. These are usually color coded cities to move to a cure or special events. The only bad one is the Epidemic card. I think it speaks for itself.

Then, after that is done, you draw two infection cards and infect two new cities. This is where the epidemic card gets bad, because it makes you draw from the bottom of the infection deck, infect the city to maximum and then shuffle up all the previously infected city cards and place them on TOP of the deck, so you will find yourself with rapid reinfection.

Needless to say, we lost more than we won. But it was fun. Crazy fun. This description I have given you is a just the basics, and every game is different. You can find yourself on the easy road to victory only to lose right at the end, or you might struggle the whole way only to win in one round.

I recommend picking up a copy if you have the people to play with.

Chasing the Dragon of Eden

2009-03-04T15:46:00.009-06:00

When I was a young, I went to church. Like most middle income American families, Sunday was an affair as regular as clockwork.
1.Get up early
2.Put on 'church clothes'
3.Go to Sunday school (little of which I remember outside of cookies)
4.Congregation/Sermon
5.Stand around while old people talk
6.FOOD

Somewhere along the line, I got really caught up in the whole affair. They had me in there, hook line and sinker. Hell, I was a member of the Royal Ambassadors. (Kinda like hella religious boy scouts, instead of just kinda religious.) I went to Vacation Bible School, and even to some summer camp that was just the bees knees and something to look forward other than catching up on reading over the tedious break.

I lived for this. I lived to try and be what I thought the Bible said I should be. I wanted everyone to do the same. I was excited when my parents gave me my very own personalized Bible for Christmas one year.

Then we moved. I was in the sixth grade, and we didn't just leave my neighborhood, or the city. We shipped out of state. Gone were the foundations of my life that I had built on for so many years.

My parents jumped around from church to church, but they never seemed to stick any where, and eventually we stopped going while we were in Austin. When we moved to Houston, more wandering but never settling.

It was during this time of exposure to the secular world, with no real religion in my life, the idea of any kind of deity took a back seat to my reading about epics and learning about history and science.

Man, science. It blew me away when I was first introduced to the method and really GOT it. The teacher honestly and whole heartedly cared about his subject, and I felt something awaken in me. A sleeping dragon woke, and it was more fantastic than any story I had read up to that point.
This dragon was voracious and insatiable. I had to KNOW things. How they worked, why they worked, what drove them. It burned through books and devoured journals and articles. It continued on like this, until my sophomore year of high school, when I changed schools.

I hung out with a group of people while there that were either into New Age nonsense, or devoutly Christian. Still just barely standing on my critical thinking legs and still in awe at the incredible vastness of the universe and I bought a lot of what they said hook, line, and sinker. I was drawn back into Christianity fast and hard. But even caught up in the fervent torrent of worship a small voice in my mind continued to doubt. It continued to question what I had been pulled back into. I had a habit of ignoring the answers, especially when they contradicted what I believed. But it got harder and harder to do so as time went on.

Especially one morning early in my second semester of that year.
An answer appeared. It wasn't gradual. It wasn't slow. It wasn't even nice. It came down on me like a ton of bricks and knocked me senseless.

I no longer believed that god existed.

A new dragon had reared its head. This one ancient, and from an age long past. I could not abide that this had happened, that I had become so skeptical. So I started tagging along to church with my friends in the hopes of easing this trouble in my mind as the two dragons fought for supremacy.

At first I tried to reconcile the two. I thought that they could exist together and that there was no problem. I would just go to church and reacquaint myself with god.
I prayed. I sang. I read. I talked with the minister about what was going on.

But the dragons never slept. One was always there, reminding me that nothing I was being told could be proven, and much of it contradicted what I knew to be true.
I prayed on, listening to the biblical teaching that god guides us when we call on him.

Finally, after so long, I explained it once again to my minister and he said. "Jarrad, you are trying to get something from god, but that's not the way it works. You must not be selfish. Instead, open your heart to Jesus Christ, and you will find peace. You must be honest and humble."

So I did. That night after everyone had gone to bed, I sat up to be alone with my thoughts and god. I closed my eyes, and prayed. I asked for forgiveness for my foolishness, and that instead of talking, I should have been listening and that I was ready to be the man I was called to be. That I gave myself willingly to serve god and that I opened myself up to him and his message of love and grace.

All I heard was the echo in my own mind. Not a literal one, but just an empty feeling as if I had been talking to the air except worse. At least the air had substance.
The bottom dropped out of my stomach, and I sunk with it, trying to implode on this hollow emptiness.

The dragons stirred once more. The Dragon of Eden, who I so much wanted to believe in because of the promise of life everlasting, guidance, and protection. But the dragon who I had been trying so hard to suppress, the one who knew how to find REAL, tangible answers. It could find things that I could touch, taste, and see their effect on the world around me. It promised me no comfort except that double edged blade of understanding.

While I just lay there, feeling lost and empty, these two notions raged on in my head. I was powerless to stop them, as my mind seemed out of control and in the grip of directionless emotion.

Then, it hit me. The reality of what I had thought. That this was the key to reality. I understood what I saw for the first time. There were no gods hiding in the wings, making magic and shooting rainbows and happiness.

The reason the world looked so harsh was because I compared it to a fiction. The fiction of perfection. This notion that I was not good enough, that the world was falling apart, all stemmed from this idea in my head that there was something better.

There wasn't. This was it. I had to make the best of my life under my own power. The wonders of the world blossomed before me. The wonders of the solar system, the beauty of the cell, all here just because. No reason, just IS. It was beauty manifest.

But a cold sunk in as well. If there was no god, who was there to guide my hand towards good? Why should I even be good? This passed quickly as I realized that I guided my hand, and that every action was my responsibility.

What need have I of gods or devils when both powers lay within myself?

As one image of heaven faded, and with it its totalitarian lord, a new one replaced it. In my young mind was planted a seed. A picture of a world undivided by petty tribal notions of angry deities. A world where we were free to love, and play, and help each other not because it was ordained, but because it was right.

The dragon of reason stopped fighting the phantom of Eden. There was nothing there to combat. No substance. Just empty promises and ancient folk tales. A shadow of the once ominous creature that had ruled over me.

Today I have grown, and with each piece of new knowledge the beauty and potential of our species and the planet we inhabit grows. The flames of reason burn brightly and magnificently.

I do not know if a god exists, and as those around me are fond of saying, yes, when I die I might just find out. But as it stands now, no matter the cost, I stand by my decisions. It becomes more and more apparent as time goes on that we must stop chasing phantom dragons. We must stop longing for a world beyond this one, and instead fight to make this life the best we can. If there is a god, and it has a plan (as many are quick to claim) then let it work, and if there is not, then we will die knowing we did the best we could under the circumstances. Either way we must cast off these shackles to our thought. Do away with the blinders that close our eyes to the beauty in THIS world.
Only then can we be free to explore our potential, be truly equal, to look on our fellow man as brother instead of enemy.

Then, when that is in our grasp, will the lovely, intricate, ever changing, delicate universe we live in open up to us.

Then we will see with unclouded eyes what we are.

I do not say this in an attempt to goad people into taking away religion. I say this only because it is the way I see it.

That is why I am an atheist.

That wonderful feeling

2009-03-04T11:52:00.004-06:00

Sometimes, in my interactions with my fellow humans, I run across the opinion that people do not need to understand the world in order to live in it. They wonder why I read so much, study so many odd things that are not immediately applicable or relevant to the day to day challenges of life. The see no point in it, and on one level, I agree with this sentiment. You can even, at times, enjoy that life.

But one thing holds me back from just letting such thoughts slide, and that is a small feeling of unbridled joy at suddenly realizing you know what is happening, and why.

Often, growing knowledge is associated with sadness, bitterness, and a frustration with the world around you. That by becoming aware, you see the ugly that is the world. This is true. One need only look at history to see those who were the brightest were burned down faster than others. They aged quickly, were driven and dogged at every step, and often died young.

This, I believe, is not a symptom of the knowledge gained, but the loneliness you find in it. There is a great lack of passion for knowledge in the world today, an apathy if you will, and those who pursue knowledge for knowledge sake find themselves on the outside looking in.

But that is not the point of this article. No, the point is the answer to the question: Why? Why go out of your way to learn more about the world than you need to? Whats the point?

The easy answer is "you never know when you will need to know something." But that answer also does not do justice to the reason. The answer is because when you see life happening and understand it, you are struck by beauty.

To strike a match and know about the chemical process of oxidization, to picture in your mind millions of tiny electrons jumping orbitals to express light and heat. To see a flower bud, then bloom and you can think of thousands of cells to dividing at insane rates all to open itself up to the world and live. To know that those cells are an integral part of the system that we live in and sustains us. To understand that the bee who lands on that flower is off to do their part in this system, and to know that the honey you ate on your toast started this way just makes it that much sweeter.

That sudden, small burst of joy in your chest when you first realize that your pets are not only aware of you, but go through the similar processes you do. The sudden rush of relief to see, with open eyes, nature in all of its blind glory.
To cast off the shackles of ignorance and see my fellow human beings not as African, Indian, or Arab, but as just... people. To know that they share genes with me, and that we all came from the same place and are all part of the same system, and many of us are going in the same direction.

That burning candle of pride when you use that knowledge to make something work.

To see clouds in the sky, and know what they are and how they formed in the intricacies of the hydrological cycle. To look beyond those, and see the planets move in their orbits, and to understand the balancing act of gravity that is our solar system or galaxy.

To be able to understand that I am but a small piece of carbon, on a small rock, looking out at a sky full of stars around which, very likely, another creature is looking and doing the same.
To know that, despite being that insignificant piece of organic tissue, one piece of it allows me to stand on the shoulders of giants and see something larger than myself. To stand where these pioneers stood, and climb the steps they climbed, and not just see the awe inspiring beauty that is our universe, but to understand it.

Why do I go out of my way to study? I do it because it gives me the keys to unlock the mysteries of this world. It takes my one and only infinitesimal life, and fills it to the breaking point by cramming it full of the very nature of the universe and all of its secrets.

I do it because as simple an act as turning on a light switch becomes more than a banishing of the dark.
It instead becomes the summoning of vision.

To live again.

2009-03-03T23:52:00.002-06:00

Posts here should pick up a bit now that I have my intracranial affairs in order.

I don't know how many people out there are on medication (statistics would indicate a lot of you), but if it is one you need and suddenly stop taking, damn do you notice. It isn't just the withdrawl, but what ever it was fixing comes back one hundred fold, or at least seems to since you had coped and forgotten about how difficult it was for you before hand.

I don't care if it is pain, neurological disorder, chemical imbalances, or any number of other treatable conditions, when you stop your meds, then those nice coping barriers you have been building up so that you can get on with your life come crashing down, drowning out any ambition or notion of having a productive life.

My advice: If you have a problem that can be treated with medication, do it. You aren't a weaker person for it, that is what these pills were made for. To help us have a normal and productive life. Life is too damned short to sit around muddled in fear, pain, or confusion.

Get out there and enjoy it.

What.... in the hell...

2009-02-27T00:17:00.006-06:00

I am left torn between awe and despair when I watch these videos:

JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS!

Spoiler Alert: This is the shit nightmares are made of. Seriously, this is MMA on a primal level.

I haven't the faintest idea what the announcers are saying, and honestly I am not sure I want to. These kinds of events are a kind of gold mine for us writer types: Bizarre, real, and absolutely insane. Perfect places to throw plucky heroes, would be spies, and incompetent henchfolk.

So, grab something to eat, sit back, and... watch.

Just watch.

UPDATE: CRAWFISH ARE NOT BUGS.

The Know-Nothing Party!

2009-02-23T16:41:00.002-06:00

Politics in America seems to have lost its damned mind. We have know-nothings on the left espousing the same reality denialism as those on the right. It is a knee jerk reaction that, if one side expresses a view on something, no matter how far out there or based in woo-woo fiction, the other must take the opposite.

Needless to say, this is fucking stupid. The opposite side of a nonsense position is one that is solidly built on rational thought and backed up by corroborative evidence that is independently verifiable.

Instead we have baseless accusations and nonsense straw men on parade from both sides. To be apart of the fun you really have to fall in step to the beat of the party, otherwise you are left in the cold. Talk about what your holy book tells you, or your gut, and make assertions with about as much evidence as the average alien abduction story and the legions will follow.

We saw it under Bush, we are seeing it again under Obama. Republicans crying out about socialism (after voting for a bailout of private industries) and Democrats turning their noses up without as much moral superiority as their predecessors.

This is a democratic republic folks, not follow the leader.
We need to be aware, and full of facts, not sound bites. We need uncomfortable questions to be asked, and when answered the answers need to be checked against the evidence and accepted once it checks out.

That last bit is EXTREMELY important. Too many times do we see legitimate evidence dismissed as a "conspiracy" or "wrong" just because of some fabricated reason in the receiver's head.

If that is too much to ask for, the welcome to the Know-Nothing Party! Everyone is invited to play the party games, just check your brain at the door.

a random thought

2009-02-18T23:36:00.003-06:00

As long as ignorance lingers in our minds, shadows of doubt and suspicion will fall across our neighbors and fellow men. Those who adhere to the tenets that divide us, instead of embracing those which unite us will see either our destruction or that the cycle repeats.

Future Politics

2009-02-09T04:21:00.003-06:00

The internet acts as our generations giant cloud memory for things we commit down for the world to see.
How, perhaps, is this going to play into the future of politics?
In the past, it has been easy for political handlers to clean up an official's past by simply taking them out of that situation, and spreading the 'official word'. This revisionist trick does not work any more, as was demonstrated in our last election. Every time they tried, anyone with an itch and bandwidth pulled up the facts almost as fast as the politicos could lie.

These are more visible and immediate effects of the prevalence of the infortubes, but what say... twenty years from now? Will we find out that the presidential candidate was livejournal user darkXblood who wrote awful poetry? Will President BunnyLord's blog come back to haunt him from his days as a confused teen?

The answer as far as I can see it is: yes. No amount of revision is going to delete Google's cache page, or the cache's of any other number of sites. No amount of the party line will wipe away the incriminating MySpace photos.

I just toss this out there as food for thought. I personally am looking forward to it. It might bring us to a whole new level of transparancy in government... one we wished we had never seen.

It occurred to me

2009-02-02T11:54:00.002-06:00

That life is very similar to 'Choose your own adventure' books, but with half the people reading it being illiterate.

Odd.

VotF: The Digital Age Pt. 2

2009-01-19T18:43:00.008-06:00

So nothing goes as planned. Here is part two of Digital Age, a little later than expected.

As far as art is concerned, technology and societal views go hand in hand. With the advent of digital interactive works, people found a new outlet of expression. Along with that, there are those from the old guard who view it as nothing more than a cheap thrill.

But nothing is static. Take a look at the genre breaking game Little Big Planet. This thing defies all pigeon holing attempts by even the best. (More on genre later.) It is a sign of changing times, and it is a sign of a work of art that takes its base image and gives the play not so much a sandbox as a desert to play in. I would daresay that the central theme of this work of art IS to encourage creativity in its audience as it requires critical thinking as well as out of the box applications of resources.

This kind of gameplay is nothing particularly new, but to see it evolve with the ever forward march of technology. The rise of Flash based gaming is also seeing a large boon, especially with the ability to publish not just online in casual environments, but on every major console currently available. (Castle Crashers comes immediatly to mind.)

This also applies in comics and writing. The changing technology has allowed for wider print ranges, and in some cases the elimination of print all together. While I still support printed works, this really opens up the scene to people since it broadens the range of resources available to everyone involved.

As we press on, we see the rise of ebooks, online comic books such as th3rdworld and zuda, and many other forms of new media. Now, granted, these just emphasis new publishing techniques, but others things will come about as well, from interactive story telling to who knows what.

These are exciting times we live in, and a lot happens quickly and unexpectedly. So just watch, and keep an ear to the ground, otherwise you may just miss a grand opportunity when it arises.

Visions of the Future: The Digital Age

2009-01-15T02:05:00.004-06:00

I was glad that video showed up on TED, so that I could get this article series started off on the right foot. Since I normally like to put mine in my mouth, I figured I would let someone better than I kick it off.

The point I would like to discuss mostly is the future of interactive media as art. I liked what Scott was talking about when he demonstrated the various new forms comics can take alongside the older models of presentation. What he doesn't talk about though, are video games (probably since he is a comic book artist, but the ideas cross pollinate well.)

This debate has been raging since the first games showed up. The resistance to the idea of new media being inconceivable as art is nothing novel or unique. Just look at the birth of movies to see that at one time, they too were thought to be nothing more than a cheap thrill, a gimmick to appease and amuse.

But times change, and today many films are considered masterpieces not just by the viewing public, but by those who study the evolution of the medium itself. This trend is indicative of all things in human society (and nature at large): opinions change, evolve, and take in new facts as they become available.

The question becomes, then, why? Why so much resistance? From where I am sitting it breaks into three subjects: changing societal views, evolving technology, and application of the medium.

Application of the medium is the most broad of the categories, so we can address it first. Basically, what it boils down to, is how the creators are using their tools to express whatever it is they are trying to convey. In video games, like most long visual media, the point is usually less to express a single emotion, and more to invest the viewer emotionally in a story.

Movies accomplish this by exposing the character's flaws, interests, and objectives to us in order to help us identify with them. Books do it in a similar method, but give us the added bonus of at times having access to the thoughts of not only the hero, but also the villain, as well as world based information and the ability for long expanses of time to pass in a few pages. Our relationship with the character in a book is often slower to develop than it would in a movie.

Video games on the other hand have the unique ability, if applied properly, to invest the player on a more basic level of including interactivity. This immediately invests the player emotionally since they are essentially responsible for the success or failure of the character they are playing. Therefore, through application of lighting, mood, setting, you have increased your viewing willingness to receive what it is you are trying to tell them.

Now the question becomes: Do you have anything to say to them? This is where games depart from movies just slightly and enter into book territory. The story in a game is often told through a combination of narrative, dialogue, and the emotional investment of the player throughout their play time. Are they aggressive? Passive? Do they read each line of text or listen to every cut scene? Do they skip right to the action? Do they ignore story and action both for a while and just play with their environment?

This is where we get into uniquely game territory, and where the real art comes in. Choices matter in a lot of games, especially with regards to modern and roleplaying games. How a developer implements these choices reflects on the project itself. Some questions have to be answered early, such as: "Am I telling a linear story, or a tale of many paths? Is this a sandbox, or an alley?" Now, I have presented these as either/or statements, and that is oversimplifying the issue to say the least. The best of these games combine both sides to create a unique interactive piece of art that has the staying power of any movie.

That is where I will suspend this now, I will continue when I return from my trip. Until then, think over this (if it isn't a giant rambling mess, I lost my notes and outline) and I will resume writing on Saturday if all goes well.

Visions of the Future Pt. 1

2009-01-14T00:50:00.001-06:00

Just to get things rolling:

Picking around the rubble.

2009-01-13T21:11:00.003-06:00

Sometimes, when life hands you lemons, they are actually hand grenades painted yellow to throw you off your guard.

How, as aspiring writers, are we to avoid this so that we can get on with our work?

We don't, because if it was that damned easy there would be no reason to write about it.

After finishing my first novel, I came to the realization that in order to progress in life I was going to have to don the mantle of minor miracle worker. This mantle is one part ditch digger, three parts pyramid brick layer, and six parts draft horse. I still have on my plate (I will get a bit personal here, so as to provide context): a troubling financial future, impending graduation (if I can get my act together), ailing family members, and trouble at home. This situation is hardly unique, but it is difficult, emotionally involved, energy and resource draining, and somewhere in it all time and energy must be mustered to write.

The only solution I have found is time management. That is it. No magic words, no fairies in bottles.
Just plain old fashioned time management. It helps, I am terrible at it, but it helps.

So, if you find yourself swamped, but have a burning desire to create, do not despair. Do not sacrifice what is important to you for something else. Sit down, prioritize, plan out a schedule and most of all STICK TO THE DAMN THING. (as much as possible)

I have more thoughts on this subject, but for a later time. Just got off work and am a bit tired.
Good luck.

I won!

2009-01-13T20:03:00.001-06:00

Can you beat him? (My money is on yes.)

A wonderful bit a satire from the people who brought us Real Ultimate Power. (Thanks Kristin)

Heartfelt

2009-01-13T14:48:00.003-06:00

The world we live in a fast moving, heartless place full of mysteries that don't really give a damn whether you live or die. That is why it always confuses me as to why people would rather emphasis our differences as flaws, instead of as the virtues that they are.

Like a stained glass window, we create a single work of art we call humanity, but it is each of our tiny differences that makes the whole. As we learn about our many views and walks of life, we can see not only our weaknesses, but also our strengths and our compliments.

As far as that goes, please enjoy this video (thanks to www.richarddawkins.net and Yervant for spreading it around) We will go ahead and say the gents who made the video are our artists of the week.

Dominion

2009-01-13T01:35:00.002-06:00

BEST DAMN GAME IN A LONG TIME.

Players who enjoy Settlers of Catan, or Ticket to Ride should enjoy this game.

It is a game of resource management (current economists are welcome to join, I would love an easy win) where players must accrue wealth in order to purchase victory points. Person with the most in the end wins.

It is a game that is simple on the surface, but gets complicated quickly.

Out of a deck of 24 action cards, ten are drawn at random so that each game is unique. The cards range from allowing you to draw more cards into your hand, give you more actions on your turn, or an immediate boost to your wealth.

It is fun for both friends and family, is picked up quickly, and you won't have anyone stop speaking to you unlike Sorry.

So, go pick up a copy at you local games or hobby store.

Change.org

2009-01-12T23:32:00.002-06:00

We are in deeper shit than I thought.

When people think that 'health freedom' is more important (or even relevant) than our failing economy, two unsuccessful wars, and rampant corruption in the highest offices of the land, then we are beyond fucked.

Lets look at what 'health freedom' entails:
http://www.change.org/ideas/view/health_freedom

Specifically "freedom from coerced or mandatory vaccinations". (The other pro-infectious disease one is obvious)

What the hell do these loons think is happening to them?

We have watched the rise of the No-Nothings on the right, but apparently the left is just as bad.
This country now has bipartisan support for idiocy and is unified in its refusal to accept reality. Bitch, moan, and complain all you want about Republicans, but damned if the Democrats aren't just the other side of the moron coin.

These ignorant urban savages are so scared of everything they don't understand that they are willing to risk our very infrastructure just to keep themselves safe from bogeymen and monsters under their beds.

But I digress, so let us return to the point.

People have become convinced that somehow, autism is caused by vaccines. This idea is nothing new, its been around at least since the early nineties, if not even before. (Most likely before, I've only been alive since the mid-eighties, so feel free to correct me if I am wrong.) It has been spear headed by the likes of celebrities, charlatans, and 'alternative medicine' practitioners in order to profit off of the suffering of lost of grieving parents.

It is diabolically genius on its face, and evil to its core. These people blame the victims of freak genetic flukes for something completely out of their control, and then proceed to demonize the only damn people who stand a chance of helping the afflicted child. As most people know, people who are upset are more likely to cling to anything that gives even the faintest illusion of hope. 'Psychics' to contact the dead are a perfect example of this.

I am no expert, but there are resources out there for people looking for answers.
I recommend the following: www.scienceblogs.com/insolence

The author of this blog is a practicing doctor, and has addressed over and over why these myths exist, and has doggedly attacked the people who prey on the desperate parents of these children. He also is hilarious, so enjoy the reading, and most of all:

THINK CRITICALLY

Genius? I think so.

2009-01-07T17:21:00.001-06:00

Thanks Aaron:
Poptart!

Enjoy!

Our first artist of 09

2009-01-07T00:02:00.004-06:00

Happy new year all, and may you make the most of it.

Today I would like to talk about Keith Thompson.

Mr. Thompson has a rather impressive online folio of concept and finished art that is wonderful roller coaster of creativity that plunges into some of the darker regions of the imagination. Though, not unlike most coasters, some of the pictures might give some people a bit of gastronomical unease.

I tend to enjoy concept art, since you get to see it usually evolve over time. Portfolios often include early sketches of finished works, and a bit of insight into what the artist's thought processes were.

Some of my favorites from this particular concept artist are: The Slaver, Havelock (more on him later), The Firestorm, and the Viraemia. There are so many more wonderful pieces of artwork available for viewing on his website. I really recommend checking it out.

Didn't I say more on Havelock? Well, that was because this is a special artist of the week! Enter round two with: Modofly. These folks have some REALLY impressive works of art laser etched onto moleskin notebooks. We grabbed one for a friend of our for holiday, and let me be the first to say: DAMN, was it nice.

The reason they are here is because one of Mr. Thompson's designs is featured on the notebooks! Good ol' Havlock in all his creepy glory, now in sepia. I would go through my list of favorites here, but like the above mentioned artist it would be better for you to go and check it out for yourself.

So lazy.

2008-12-28T14:03:00.004-06:00

Sorry about that, laziness on my part is more the rule than the exception. I have a couple of artists that I want to discuss later today, but right now I would like to welcome everyone back from the hangovers, holidays, and helicopter duels (if you were so fortunate to have one.)

Enjoy this video, and the many others over on the TED website. They are (usually) insightful, funny, and many of the speakers have a lot to bring to the table.

Um... is this thing on?

2008-12-18T22:04:00.003-06:00

Yeah? Good.

There has been something that has been bothering me the last few days (years) and I finally drug it kicking and screaming out into public.

Why the fuck do we have ignorant people in this day and age that are using the internet? If you are using Firefox (and I assume IE and others have something comparable) there is literally a box with a capitol G in it for you to type something into and be overwhelmed with information on any given topic!

With this the case, why do we continue to see, day after day, in forum after forum, and blog after blog the same stupid old wives tales, myths, and lies propagated. It is as if... though hard to believe... people are actually remaining ignorant ON PURPOSE.

(Insert a roll of thunder and lightning searing across the black ether of night.)

Is this some sort of conspiracy? A plague that causes someone to be unable to see results or search engines? Perhaps some allergen that makes you unable to cross reference or verify claims? Or, perhaps the most nefarious, someone has tricked you into thinking you don't need to?

What exactly am I talking about? Such myths as: There being no scientific basis for evolution, that people choose to be homosexuals, that the Earth is not 4.5 billion years old give or take, or that all conflicting view points should be taught to children no matter their level of divorce from reality.

Don't worry though, there is a cure, and we can do it the hard way or the easy way.

Here is the easy way.

The hard way is actually digging through page after page of information, cross referencing materials, and actually checking for little nuggets of reality known as 'facts'.

Good luck out there in separating the wheat from the chaff. There are those in this world, believe it or not, who actually do not want to tell you the truth.

The Fear of Rejection

2008-12-09T12:58:00.003-06:00

Over the course of writing my first novel, I learned one major thing about myself and other writers.

When the final chapter closes and it is time to sell the damned thing, we balk out of fear.

The question is asked "what if they don't like it?" I know I asked it over and over again as I wrote and rewrote the letter.

Sending out a query letter was a trying and psychologically daunting task, but in the end the letter went out and the world didn't end.

This weekend, I received my first official rejection letter for agent representation, and believe it or not it didn't hurt. I was left feeling a little ambivalent and honestly a little excited. (which truth be told led to me feeling really confused.)

I had taken my first steps towards publication, and met my first hurdle. Like the deer that stumbles into a clearing where you are having a picnic, I stared at the letter in astonishment. I read the little half page over and over, making sure it was real and didn't move around on me when I looked away.

I encourage all writers to send out a query, especially if it is your first work. Like all experience, it is best acquired while young in the field.

The rejection is not something to fear, but to embrace. Each time your work is dismissed by someone, let it build and excitement that will burst when someone finally says 'yes'. Don't fret over one person's opinion. Agents and publishers have tastes as fickle and different as the people who will be reading your book should it see shelves, so let a rejection serve a double purpose to prepare you for when someday someone comes to you and says "I don't like your work."

"Thats OK," I would say, "not everyone does."

Growing pains.

2008-12-08T18:26:00.002-06:00

As with all new things, this blog and I are going through some growing pains as I try and settle upon something or theme that will be the cornerstone of this blog.

Some niche to fill perhaps.

So stay tuned and bear with me as I play Frankenstein with it for a while.

Artist of the Week

2008-12-06T01:14:00.002-06:00

Brandon Bird.

Most of you have probably already heard of him, but so what? The man has pop culture art cornered like a rodeo clown. Really, his paintings and illustrations speak for themselves, so go and check em out.

Recent Reading

2008-12-05T21:58:00.005-06:00

I have been reading the works of Thomas Jefferson recently, and I must say that he was right in hind sight.

His thoughts on government and of the people (specifically in regards to education) were so spot on, it is rather embarrassing to look around at my fellow Americans.

We live in an age where ignorance is seen as a virtue, obedience a civic duty, and government seen as a monolith given to impart what is best for us.

Where the fuck did we go THAT wrong? Seriously, how could we screw the pooch that hard?

"Our country is now taking so steady a course as to show by what road it will pass to destruction, to wit: by consolidation of power first, and then corruption, its necessary consequence." -Jefferson

Here we have, IN HIS LIFETIME, Jefferson telling us the path we find ourselves running along today. We see it everywhere, especially in the last eight years as Bush laid out his decrees from on high, and the fools who bowed at his feet called us Anti-American, terrorists, liberal whiners, or worse when we would use our right to question this insanity.

For the last century we have been told that a sword sits poised above our necks while we lay on the chopping block, and that only by being good and listening to our leaders can we be safe. We cannot see this sword because of the veil the nanny government has put over our heads for our protection.

Thus I posit to you that this constant FEAR is the only sword ready to severe us from our life and our liberty, and WE elect those who hold this blade over us. We elect the executioners of our liberty each time we allow a Congressman to lie, a President to run unchecked, or allow a candidate to go unchallenged in their assertions.

I believe we should take back that which is ours, lest we elect a firing squad instead of our own voice. A cry must go out to call our leaders onto the floor and answer to us as it was intended. They are the ones meant to lay down to us, not the other way around.

The actions we must take are many, daunting, and will at times seem overwhelming but it is up to us to defend our freedom. A place to start is by getting rid of lobbyists, who buy the vote of our representatives and place the tape over the voice of the people. The recent bailouts are a perfect example of this.

We must also never forget what truth is. There are no personal facts, no personal truths. A denial of fact is a lie, and a lie is a sign of dishonesty. Truth is derived from questioning, rigor, and letting no stone rest unturned lest the snake hide there.

We are to blame when things go wrong, and thus it is up to us to fix our problems. Let reason fight back against fear and superstition. Let your voice be heard lest you fall into a cynical void from whence no one may escape.

The only way an action is wasted is when it is never taken.

And who are you sir?

2008-12-01T11:41:00.002-06:00

"I think I speak for myself, so here is my card should you need to contact me. "

Awesome!

Now, a word from the dead.

2008-12-01T08:49:00.002-06:00

The Atlantic has reprinted a book review written in 1860 by Asa Gray. Now, I know what you are thinking: "Who is this and why do I care?" (Unless you are savvy on such things, or read other blogs who found this interesting too)

This book reviews probably the most controversial printed object in history.
On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life

Now, I know the actual title is just On the Origin of Species, but I thought it looked more dramatic with the old title. So there it is, go read it and see what Darwin's friends thought at the time.

Shoo!

The Holidays are not over...

2008-12-01T08:40:00.003-06:00

The 'season' has just begun. So for the next few weeks we will be tortured with erratic versions of the same song over and over, blinking lights, not to mention simultaneously jovial and belligerent fellow humans.

If THAT doesn't sound like a psychological stress test, I don't know what does.

The good news, of course, is that egg nog is on the shelves once more. I will proceed to drink myself sick on it, as is a yearly tradition no less daunting than the annual gift gauntlet.

Lets talk about that for a moment, this gift gauntlet. I find it a bit odd that, no matter how well I know a person's habits, interests, or cares, I still find it difficult to buy gifts for them.

The woman I have spent no less than five years of my life beside is one of the hardest of all.
The next hardest are the people who have a tendency to buy whatever it is they want throughout the year, and leave nothing really left over for gifts. (Guilty!)

So, I encourage you, make a list of things you want. I know you hope that your friends and family will get you the things you want, or that it is the thought that counts so what you get doesn't matter, but please think of the gift giver. They are stressing over that perfect something to get for you so that they can make you feel as special as they see you.

Give em a nudge, make a list, or (for the hopeless one in your life, like me) sit them down and straight up tell them and make a list.

Yule Tide Swag Day

2008-11-25T11:00:00.001-06:00

So, I have a joke.

A Catholic, an atheist, and a Muslim sit down in front of a Christmas tree. Suddenly, the Baptist busts into the room and says:

"Happy Yule Tide Swag Day!"

OK, so it really wasn't a joke, it just sets up like one.

In all seriousness though, what do you do when the holiday season rolls around and you have friends from so many walks of life? Do you exclude them? Do you truck on and hope for the best?

No, because that is foolish. This holiday is supposed to be about being together, and about peace. Also, presents. Giving lots and lots of presents.

Thus I proposed a year or so ago that we switch out the name, toss on a new label, and bingo! All inclusive holiday that can mean whatever you want it to. No more having to list 60 different holidays that all land in or around the end of December, no more "war on Christmas".

Now, you might ask, what is the point if it isn't celebrating (insert religious reason here)?
Well, here are a few starters for you:
1. You are alive. (Good going by the way, its a rough world out there)
2. You have an excuse to gorge on an insane amount of whatever tickles your fancy. Why have a turkey, ham, or goose when you could have Basalmic battered fish? (or nachos, a personal favorite)
3. All those small things that you forgot to sweat over, but ended up working out in the end.

The list goes on. If you can't find a single reason to celebrate, then you are probably one unobservant individual. Even when things are awful, they could always get worse.

Thats what YTSD is all about. It is about stepping back, taking a breather, and not taking yourself too seriously. It is a time to put all of the bullshit aside and toss the noisy dog on the other side of the fence a new ball or treat.

If that isn't worth celebrating, then I don't know what is.

SCIENCE!

2008-11-24T17:14:00.002-06:00

I would first of like to congratulate SpaceX on the successful mission length testing of Falcon 9.
You can read about it here, and I encourage you to watch the video. It is awesome, like most fireballs, but this one just happens to be a fireball of PROGRESS!

In other news, these crazy biologists just can't stop impressing me with how much evolutionary theory can push us forward, not only as people, but as a species.

I can understand why this kind of thing can scare people some people, but any trepidation I have personally is overridden by the excitement at the future these kinds of advancements offer.

Last week we had the first successful transplant of a body part formed entirely from stem cells, and already someone else is waiting for the same procedure.

THIS is what the future is based on, and something that the US needs desperately to bring back into focus. It is my fondest wish to see the Obama administration undo a lot of the damage of the last twenty some odd years, especially the Three Mile Island disaster of the Bush administration's science policies.

Speak up people, and let the leaders you elect know you are ready to move on, and boldly step into the uncertain future holding the reins of knowledge.

A lack of an artist last week.

2008-11-24T16:53:00.002-06:00

So, I have already failed at bringing you a new artist every week.

So, to make up for it, I will bring you many.

With the holidays approaching and money tight, there are still ways to get expressive and wonderful gifts for people. Sites dedicated to hand made goods by really talented artists could really help out strained wallets, and show that you have a thoughtful insight into the person you are buying for.

Etsy- a good site with not too many ugly sweaters. The soap, jewelry, and ceramics are some of my favorites to look at. Also comes with handy guides in the form of favorites and treasuries.

The Pear Project- online store, recently started I believe.

Smashing Darling- another recently started online shopping are for hand made goods.

So get crafty this holiday.

This was what we should have feared.

2008-11-24T16:43:00.002-06:00

While we were all occupied with who was receiving money in the bailouts, we weren't paying attention to the why.

Thus, when the bailouts came, so too did more hands asking for their own pie, not just a piece of what was there. It also failed to address the actual problem of poor government regulation, fiscal policies in both the gov. and private sectors, and not to mention company responsibility.

Now, some people have their suggestions as to what the problem is, from wars to atheists, but that for the most part is either excuses or scapegoating.

The issue is large, complicated, and rests on all of our shoulders. Thus, as one we must push back against the avalanche set off by those initial bailouts.

Vote these assholes out of office so we can have some peace of mind that things like THIS will stop happening.

To use terminology that the Republican's are fond of: It is a slippery slope we are standing on.

It does not help fill a hole in your yard if you fill it with dirt from a hole you dig right next to it.

Week... three?

2008-11-17T16:23:00.003-06:00

Maybe? I can't remember any more. I have been playing Fallout 3 for what seems like eternity, and after finishing the game for the first time, I must say I am ready for a second go around.

The problem, though, is that SecuROM is an absolute NIGHTMARE and causes more crash errors than I care to count. It will stress your system, not to mention the hoops you have to jump through if SecuROM decides you are running emulation software.

It is invasive, keeps your system taxed in an already taxing game, and makes it rather a pain in the ass to just INSTALL the damn game.

I recommend you buy the game off of Steam so that you at least don't have the invasive kernel-mode driver that will decide your life needs to be a living hell.

I must say that Bethesda has lost an enthusiastic customer for future releases. As will any company that continues to not see the light and punishes their customers and not the pirates who steal their software.

DRM DOES NOT WORK. The pirates bypass it, and ENJOY doing so. Your customers are the ones left holding the bag on your fuckhead decisions. You know, the people with the money who actually PURCHASE you product.

Well, I wish I had thought of it first.

2008-11-17T16:17:00.003-06:00

But here it is! Someone who has a blog just as dedicated to eliminating the misinformation spread by David Kirby and his filthy hordes.

I present to you, by way of Orac: The Age of Ignorance!

If you care about stopping these pro-infectious disease loons, the go forth and contribute your voice in the comments and make sure your voice is heard against these frothing masses of stupidity.

Its the most wonderful time...

2008-11-14T23:23:00.002-06:00

I get so damned sick of hearing about xmas. I really do. The crazies all seem to come out, especially those on the far right to declare that their holiday is being taken away because some liberal assholes are trying to include all of humanity in their acknowledgment of the holiday season.

Damn them!

Well, the Humanists up D.C. have stolen a bit of their thunder by placing some bus ads up declaring: "Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness sake."

Wow, what a novel concept.

You see, despite what people ignorant of history outside of fairyland might tell you, Jesus is not the reason for the season.

We can thank Saturn for gift giving, those crazy pagans and their Yule logs, geese, and another delicacies, not to mention that jolly man with the one work day a year job: Santa Clause.

So, when you walk around this November and December, go out of your way to wish people a happy holiday season. If it riles them up, and they start to bitch about stealing xmas, or how they don't celebrate [insert holiday here], just remind them to take a page out of Mr. Wheaton's book: "Don't be a dick."

Maybe we should somehow frame the holiday around that, but I don't think "Dontbeadicksmas" has the same flow.

Dungeons and/or Dragons

2008-11-14T19:31:00.002-06:00

I enjoy playing Dungeons and Dragons. A lot. Like most RPGs it allows a chance to tell a small piece of a story inside of a world, whether you are a player telling the story of your character, or the DM guiding players through a world of your design.

What makes DnD particularly interesting though, is that the world is only roughly outlined, so that an infinite number of stories can take place inside of it.

This can be a very daunting set of shoes to step into, especially for a DM. This is the role I enjoy filling, as a writer, but even someone who decides they want to step up has only overcome the first hurdle.

From the get go, you are stuck in the middle between letting your players choose their own path through the world as they play and trying to tell a coherent story. Now, some fix this by leaving everything open ended and just handing their players a map and a couple of hints.

This can be fun for players, but it tends to get rough fast if there is any friction within the party and it means a lot of work in advance for you.

The way I tend to try and work it is by striking a balance between the story and the freedom of open world questing. I use the story as an overall frame that, instead of putting the players on a railroad into what I demand they enjoy, it just nudges them in various directions.

One good way of doing this is by having a lot of minor quests for players to accept or decline as they see fit. If the story sends them to a town that also happens to be the center for some strange occult activity, then they can decide to investigate. Along the way they may find a dispute to try and settle, or maybe a criminal on the loose that needs catching.

All the while, tie it back into the main story, by perhaps giving up a little information that will help them as a reward. Also, I try and make these the quests that reward them with the monetary types of treasure, while the magic items come in through the story.

The other thing to do is have multiple ways in mind that they can complete a given objective. If there is a mad leprechaun on the loose, perhaps they can pay him off, negotiate with him, or simply divert his energies elsewhere. Not everything has to end on the point of a sword. (Unless your players want that, which is cool.)

Now, I mentioned rewards a moment ago, which brings me to another point I hadn't thought of.
Players want to feel that their actions are noticed, so it is deathly important for you to pay attention to small things they do. Reward them for clever sayings by tossing a little bit of extra gold their way, or perhaps an action point for fast thinking. These small rewards go a long way to encourage players to think on their feet, and really helps with their immersion into the game if they feel like their actions have real consequence.

Now, this goes the other way also. The hardest part of the job is punishing player behavior, because you don't want to feel like a nanny that has to tsk their players. The problem is, if they decide to derail the game, especially if the whole party is not in on it, then it is time for you to step in and handle it. This can be done in or out of game.

For example, if the party has been dealing with the King of Wagonville, and one player decides that the king's blood pressure is too high and stabs him a few times to alleviate the problem, then that puts you in a rather tight spot. Do you allow the player's action to stand? Or do you tell them that their psychotic behavior causes him to turn into a weevil?

The best answer is to let the players decide, since to be honest they were the ones wronged, not you. (No matter how pissed you are that they derailed the work you put into a game.)

Remember, the game is about the players in the end. Without them, you are just left as a writer with a loose idea. (This has its own merits, but we all know how I feel about writing.) Make sure that they understand from the get go what you expect, and keep checking to make sure they are having fun, and things should go smoothly.

Good luck DMs!

Artist of the Week

2008-11-14T19:23:00.004-06:00

I thought about it, and I have decided to try and have a new artist featured every week that has some how impressed me. Look forward to more of these (almost) every Friday.

Ptolemy Elrington is an scrap artist that just blew me away when I saw his work.

I have seen some terrible scrap art in my time, but it is gentlemen like Mr. Elrington that remind me that all mediums have their wizards.

You can see more of his work here.

Just look at that damned owl! Brilliant, sharp, and just a little intimidating.

Great job Ptolemy, and I hope to see much more of your work in the future.

This could be interesting.

2008-11-12T16:59:00.003-06:00

George R.R. Martin is an interesting writer. I haven't read as much of his work as I would like to have (or should have), but what I have has impressed me and hung around in the back of my head.
Now it seems that HBO has bought a pilot based on his work called 'Thrones'.

I don't usually keep up with television, a bit of House, Battlestar, and Burn Notice with a sprinkling of Heroes will usually be enough as long as it isn't too often, but Kristin decided that I had to watch their series True Blood.

It is interesting, to say the least. The acting is campy without being awkward, and the story is... well it is slow. The production quality is top notch though, and I will most definitely be looking forward to see that applied to the works of Mr. Martin.

So, here is hoping we get something interesting and watchable out of the deal.

Just pull that lever.

2008-11-12T16:31:00.003-06:00

Chuck Norris is a never ending font of humor. Whether in the form of silly internet jokes or wonderful little short stories.

But nothing comes close to the man himself. The depths he plunges of self parody and the just insane comments that border on the surreal that shoot out of his mouth almost daily are enough to tickle anyone's funny bone.

Today is no exception.

Ever the comedian, Mr. Norris proceeds to tell our President elect how to do his job. Its great! He basically tells him to do the OPPOSITE of everything Obama ran for! What irony!

This bit of masterfully crafted piece of prose is brought to us by that house of laughs, the World Net Daily.

Thanks again guys.

Heathens!

2008-11-11T18:35:00.004-06:00

IS THIS ALL ABOUT?!

The Gnome is a diligent servitor in the court of the Hippo of the Fallen, exacting her will that all corpses should be disposed of, lest move in with their still living relatives and become a bore who sits about whining about dead rights and how cold it is.

But these people don't even believe Gnomes are real! GNOMES! Angels, demons, gods, and souls are real, but not Gnomes? What a line to draw!

Discussions of game design.

2008-11-10T18:08:00.003-06:00

I was having a discussion with my dear friend Eric, when the subject of Fallout 3 came up.

Apparently, his roommate is upset that the game wasn't perfect or up to whatever standard he expected, so the retribution he garnered was to get angry and play the game int he most exploitive fashion possible. ('Efficient' was the word used.)

This seems indicative of the consumer side of the gaming industry as a whole. They bitch and moan about how they can't turn off various frills or features, and this some how ruins the entire game. But they cannot actually vocalize what it is they DO want.

Take, for example, the menu display in the above mentioned game. Your character raises his arm, and looks at his pipboy. I'll pause for the gasps to pass.

Now, there was a complaint lodged in the discussion that you could not skip this brief graphic before the menu was displayed for you.

My only response to this is: Bethesda makes graphically impressive games, so they tend to stick in a lot of graphical bells and whistles. If you do not like graphical bells and whistles, then Bethesda does not make games for you. You are not the intended audience, and so would probably find another game fun.

There has been an argument long raging as to how much is necessary for a game.

Two camps have come about, as well as a six million mile gray area in between the two. The first, is the bare essentials, minimal graphics, game play focused. The other went for a more cinematic, movie like approach focusing on immersion in a world or story instead of new or innovative game play mechanics.

I don't particularly care for chocolate pie. So, instead of going to one of the best chocolate pie bakeries in town and telling them about how displeasing their product is, I go to the eclair shop and purchase their delicious confections.

See, it solves the problem, and sends a very clear, concise message to the pie baker that his product is not going to earn him my money. Then, when a product comes along that you do want, you do appreciate, then you give them your money, and keep them in business.

Seems to me to be a far more grown up way of dealing with a situation.

And on, and on, and on....

2008-11-10T18:00:00.003-06:00

Texans, and humans in general, need to lay the hell off.

There is no evolution debate. Not about evolution itself, just the nit picky details. There is no need for the School board to form a science advisory board with three non-scientists on it.

None. It just hurts children.

So, to use a bit of their rhetoric: Do YOU want to hurt CHILDREN?

No? Then write to your local reps and get this shit thrown in the trash where it belongs, and keep god where it belongs, churches and imaginations.

The Fallout

2008-11-06T17:35:00.002-06:00

So, one of the problems with being home with a sickness is that you are really unlikely to get jack shit done that is productive. I keep saying 'oh, I am sick, I can write a lot more than normal!' but this is a dirty lie. It is difficult to stay focused or be on top of your game, and since I feel dismal anyway, it doesn't help to make myself feel worse by writing badly. (end of terrible excuses here)

So I play games. The most recent is one that has been on my wish list for TEN DAMNED YEARS.
Fallout 3.

I must say, it is great. Maybe not well worth the wait, but since I had to wait it at least did not disappoint. The characters are amusing, the situations range from gritty to hilarious, and most of all the game is FUN to play.

It is difficult for me to say that, since normally I am so hard on games, but it is. It is just plain fun to play. Whether I am out harvesting Super Mutants or trying to fix a leaky pipe, the game delivers.

Now, before you go 'but but but! the problems!' let me just say, I know. The game is buggy, I hate SecureROM with every fiber of my being, and it is so hard to be evil, that staying neutral in the game makes cracking walnuts with your ass cheeks look like a breeze.

Sure, you can just run around shooting everyone, but where the hell is the fun in that? Who is left to extort, take advantage of, or annoy? Where is the mastermind? Or the brigand? Our Mephisto of the Wastes?

These are things that can be fixed later though, so pick up a copy and play. Now then, I am going to go and pretend to get back to work while I relive the joy of ten years ago.

Catch up!

2008-11-05T19:09:00.004-06:00

So, I have been sick the last week with a strange and undefined allergic reaction to... something. So I have been out of the loop.

But what a week it has been!

Elections are over, so I think we can all breathe a little easier knowing we are not going to be choking on election fumes for another three years. Obama won, which, while I am unsure as to if this is a good thing, it is a hell of a lot better than McCain. Especially with the off chance McCain bites it while in office and we were to be left holding the bag with Sarah Palin.

That woman embodies everything I hate about the current incarnation of the Republican party.

But enough! It is over, done with! Now there is only the future to watch. While some will complain about Obama's 'socialist' behavior, he is still conservative by most measures. What I hope to see him accomplish is to tear loose the reins of power in this country from the vultures who have forgotten We the People. That is change I can believe in, and if he can accomplish it, then Mr. Barack Obama will forever live the hearts and mind of this nation.

Now, Prop 8 and the other pieces of horse shit flung onto ballots around this country is another story altogether.
People, this is the year 2008. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that people being gay doesn't hurt you at all. Marriage is an archaic word and practice that really has no place in government what so ever. It should be between you, your spouse, and your various gods. You can't really say that your god did it first (unless you are some ancient people with some evidence on hand) since familial unions have been around for a long time. Just look at how tribal relations work.

So, for fuck's sake people, give it a rest. The only difference between you and a gay person is who you want to go to bed with. The only reason you are up in arms over this is because of a two thousand year old book that some people believe in and others don't. This isn't a christian nation, never has been and hopefully never will be. It should be a nation of freedom, where you can be what ever the hell you want and no one can tell you otherwise, provided it doesn't hurt someone.

Stop letting your book get in the way of treating your fellow man with respect and love. The world needs all the love it can get right now, so telling people that their love is wrong kind of defeats the purpose.

All the king's horses....

2008-10-23T12:13:00.004-05:00

With the economy seeming to be in shambles due to misregulation, idiotic business practices, manipulative marketing, poor consumer education, and enough bad decisions for everyone to take a pint or two I as a university student have to step back and take a look at a system that has placed a rather large burden on people like me.

Namely: Student loans.

One of the large problems with today's ease of going to college is the price of that same ease. Student loans are given out to people fresh out of high school with little or no money management skills. Most of them have very little concept of value or money, let alone how to plan to pay for something that is only getting more expensive with each passing day.

For some, they are told that they are making an investment. That the money they spend now will be paid back before they know once they are out in the real world and have a nice job where the money just rolls in.

Bull shit.

Unless you are getting one of those generic degrees that will always be needed (business, education, hospitality, medicine, ect) then your chances of finding that perfect job waiting for you is just slightly higher than rolling a thirteen in a game of craps.

This leaves a lot (read majority) of students entering the economy in the red with no real understanding of how to fix it except to throw some money at it and eventually it will go away.

Debt is a bad, bad thing for an economy. Especially when its largest consumers (young professionals and families trying to keep things running smoothly) are trying to fill a hole dug just to get them into a position so that they can make a decent go at making a living.

So, time to get down to the point.

Why do we encourage people to go into debt? It makes no long term sense! What the fuck is the point of making a ton of money one day, only to go bankrupt the next?

This current generation of graduates are inheriting what can only be described as a monetary clusterfuck, and are steamrolling along with debt up to their eyeballs ready to make the situation worse.

People, we all need to wake the fuck up and start doing this thing called saving that has fallen out of vouge in the last couple of decades.

Crazy people!

2008-10-22T20:41:00.005-05:00

In this day and age, knowledge is literally a mouse click away. You just have to know what to look for and how to look for it. Many search engines have popped up to help us along in that respect. Hell, Google even has its own verb.

So, when someone comes to my attention that is absolutely bug fuck crazy AND uses the internet on a regular basis, I have to question:

How can people be ignorant in today's connected society.

Take for example this loon. (I know, I know, logical fallacy, ad hominem blah blah. I'll get to proving it in a moment.) She is constantly posting things she has 'googled' and found confirmation for.
So, lets start off with the first in the "WTF is wrong with these people" category of posts.

This lady suffers from what is commonly referred to as 'confirmation bias'.
As summary is that confirmation bias is looking only at results to back your point, and ignoring or disregarding results that counter your frame work.

Take for example her constant discussion of 'natural' cures to common maladies. Or, her damned constant evocation of her deity in order to justify her points without bringing to the table any evidence of her argument.

For example, her discussion of the so called gay agenda. So far, my 'googled' results have only come up with crazy right wing websites discussing some secret cabal of well dressed individuals who are organized by the devil himself and out to eat/rape/sacrifice children and bring about the downfall of mankind. All of the other websites just seem to express a general desire to not feel persecuted for who they are attracted to.

Hmm, one of these seems pretty reasonable, and the other COMPLETLY FUCKING STUPID.

She mentions that gay people are 'beyond redemption' in her ancient tome of wacky magic. Well, I would like to present evidence in the form of her blog that she may be beyond redemption for her intolerant, inane, uneducated screeds against her fellow human beings. Logic is beyond her scope of understanding, and she is raising a 'quiverful' family inside of this insanity.

It makes it that much worse that the children will never escape the oppresive, unjustified boot heel of religion. Reason dies a small death with each child not free to wonder and explore the universe without the confines of bronze age mysticism.

Eternal Sunshine of the...

2008-10-22T19:51:00.004-05:00

Holy shit.

Scientists are on the trail of deleting those pesky traumatic memories. This concept has been addressed again and again in science fiction, and the results are rarely good.

Our memories are what shape us as people, especially the bad memories. It is where we draw our knowledge from. It is how we learn to how to deal quickly and efficiently with adversity.

But, I think there are instances that this technology can help people. Things that are needlessly traumatic, or that it would run a higher risk trying to get the person to cope than it would to wipe out the memory all together.

Don't get me wrong, anything that pushes us closer to understanding that wrinkly ball of matter twixt our ears is a good thing, and this technology if nothing else is a definite leap forward. I support what these researchers are doing, and no one should stop them. I just frown on those salivating waiting for it to hit open market so they can forget exes and excess.

But, feh to those people. Let them live their troubled lives and let us push forward unto a new age for mankind and a better future through understanding.

SCIENCE!

My kingdom for a....

2008-10-19T11:27:00.003-05:00

By now I am sure everyone has heard of, been exposed to, or had inflicted upon them the browser game Kingdom of Loathing.

I don't care if you have or not, I am still going to talk about it.

There have been two instances of me playing this game. Once a year or so ago, and then again currently. I must say, things do change fast in the kingdom.

This adventure compared to the first time I played through is about as far apart as the first Mario game and the third.

These developers so an almost obsessive dedication to their game experience, whether it be a constant influx of pop culture jokes, new dungeons, or writing more haikus about bugbears than anyone else on earth.

There is not a single character class that is boring to play, and each one has its uses so no matter who you play, you can always befriend someone else and gain the benefit of their buffs, skills, or meat. (That is the currency of the realm, NOT their... engorged weapon.)

Now, that is not to say that some classes aren't better than others. The best class by a wide margin is the Disco Bandit. Everyone else falls some where behind and in some order, but who really cares when you are sitting at the finish line sipping a gin and tonic while waiting for everyone else to catch up?

Not me.

So go and play. King Ralph might appreciate it... or he might not.

Day 2: The Bizare Bazzare Bizare

2008-10-19T09:56:00.004-05:00

Was going to make an update yesterday summarizing what all went down yesterday at the MAKE Fair, but I sat down on the couch and fell asleep before the laptop was even done coming off standby.

So, in a brief summary: Monster fur hats sell well, Kristin sold a ton of jewelry, the folks next us are nice, black smithing is a hoot to watch, and the battlebots are disappointing because all anyone ever builds are flip bots. I think I will have to agree with Aaron on this one and say bring on the lasers.

In other fantastic news, Krispie Kreme has brought back that pasty of delight: the one, the best, Pumpkin Spice Donut. It honestly made it worth waking up at 7:30 in the morning so that we had time to pick them on our way back to the trenches.

Also, for you types who enjoy music and invention, head overe here.

The Adventure Continues. (BB Pt.2)

2008-10-18T12:30:00.002-05:00

Human ingenuity never ceases to amaze me. I just took a stroll through the technology booths here at the Maker Fair, and discovered just how far computer/shop tool networks have come.

I watched a ShopBot tool cut 3D objects out of a urethane board in seconds! It was amazing! (Or I am easily entertained, either way it was great.)

Instructables has a booth, and are showing video and handing out printed versions of their instructions. It is amazing what the Intartoobs have done for DIY projects.

Best of all though, was looking through all of the robotics entries made by high school students. These kids had been mentored by students at the University of Texas and the BEST Robotics program. The variance and dedication of these students made me almost hope for a future of science in this country.

I felt like a child running through a candy store while I walked through the artisan booths. So much creativity and thought put into most of these works. There are always some that lack, but they are outshone one hundred fold by the diligent and dedicated crafts people who turn art into business. This is another point at which I would like to plug technology, in that the internet has given most of these people an outlet and a customer base that used to be so scattered about that most of these trades would be placed in the hobby bin and left to rot.

More later. Also, pictures.

Bazaar Bizarre (Pt. 1)

2008-10-18T10:01:00.002-05:00

Austin, Tx is home to some rather odd events, but none so interesting as the Maker Fair.

Here, crafts people of many walks of life gather to give demonstrations, sell their wares, and battle robots.

Yes, battle robots. This year's fair is home to the first annual Texas Cup battle bot fight. Teams will be competing to see who can trash the most metal in an arena about ten feet from where I am sitting currently. (There will be pictures later, promise.)

Speaking of robots, the arena master bot, hovering from his chair on high began spitting the lines of that infamous A.I. Glados, followed by a 'glitch' that caused it to Rick Roll everyone within earshot.

Before breakfast even.

But enough about robots (for now), and let us turn our attention to the many craftsmen who have turned out today.

So far I have seen everything from hand made soaps, jewlery, shirts, and custom woodwork, many of which can be found on that ever growing craft site, Etsy. I hope to get a chance to take it all in. If I find someone interesting, I'll take their picture and put up a brief synopsis of who they are and what they are doing.

To the trenches!

A growing sense of dread and desire.

2008-10-17T08:19:00.001-05:00

Texaaaaans assemble!

2008-10-15T22:33:00.000-05:00

So the anti-science brigade is trying to douse the fire of knowledge for our students here in Texas, and it is up to the people to stop it.

But, before you act, make sure you gather the facts. Start with information about Don McLeroy, the man in charge of the Texas Board of Education and supporter of Intelligent Design creationism. The BoE is soon going to vote on the new science standards that will affect not only children in this state, but nation wide.

How you say? Easy. Texas is one of the largest purchasers of textbooks nationwide, and therefore publishers look to what we are buying in the way of educational material before they take it to other states. If we allow IDiocy into classrooms, then textbooks with accurate and relevant information will be passed over in favor for puffy, soft fairy tales dressed in lab coats.

This is a matter that is endlessly frustrating for me personally, but as I am not a parent my voice carries less weight than those whose children are at stake.

This ID group is sneaky, subtle, and underhanded in their dealings with public education and are trying to toss religious belief in the back door of our classrooms and hope no one notices.

Let your voices be heard. Organize and fight this kind of intellectual sabotage so that perhaps Texas can lose the stereotype of backwards, ignorant, tree dwellers who do nothing other than shoot things and watch NASCAR.

There are enough reasonable people in this state to have us become an intelligent oasis in a sea of madness, so go and take back the Lone Star State.

Dear The Protomen

2008-10-15T22:24:00.000-05:00

Get your new CD out and come back to Texas.
Please?

That is all I wanted to say.

What is the difference?

2008-10-15T21:14:00.000-05:00

Philosophy and religion have often been viewed in the same light despite their obvious differences.

How obvious? Well... lets find out. Perhaps they are not as obvious as one initially thinks.

First, lets turn to the definition of the words themselves. For that, let us turn to our old friend Merriam-Webster.

Philosophy:

1 a (1): all learning exclusive of technical precepts and practical arts (2): the sciences and liberal arts exclusive of medicine, law, and theology philosophy> (3): the 4-year college course of a major seminary b (1)archaic : physical science (2): ethics c: a discipline comprising as its core logic, aesthetics, ethics, metaphysics, and epistemology2 a: pursuit of wisdom b: a search for a general understanding of values and reality by chiefly speculative rather than observational means c: an analysis of the grounds of and concepts expressing fundamental beliefs3 a: a system of philosophical concepts b: a theory underlying or regarding a sphere of activity or thought philosophy of war>4 a: the most basic beliefs, concepts, and attitudes of an individual or group b: calmness of temper and judgment befitting a philosopher

Phew, what a mouthful. Oh well, we can pare that down in a moment into something more useful.

But first, religion

Religion

1 a: the state of a religious religion> b (1): the service and worship of God or the supernatural (2): commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance2: a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices3archaic : scrupulous conformity : conscientiousness4: a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith

Again, we can pair this down to something more useful.

After reading over both of these definitions, I think that a functional summary of philosophy would be contained in definition 1 a(1) and 2 a. For religion I think that 1b(1) and 4 will sum up the majority of what people think of when they think of religion.

Right off the bat philosophy and religion diverge in that religion focuses on belief and the supernatural, where as philosophy is focused more on the pursuit of knowledge in either a technical or empirical manner.

This makes sense when put into the context of the origins of the two. The early philosophers are what we base our education systems on. They made observations and then contested one another through jousts of logic until one philosopher conceded their point on the grounds that the other one had more proof. This is where we get the beginnings our the scientific method as well as a lot of our Western abstraction.

Religion, on the other hand, deals more with the intangible and the unprovable. It relies on faith for its explanations and less on the observable or testable.

So why do so many say they are interchangeable?

I think that it boils down to that both are a system of thought centered on acquiring explanations in regard to the world we live in. Each has steps and questions that can be asked.

But once again we come to a divide. One, religion, starts with the answer and then people ask questions of that and observe the outcomes. Philosophy, and by proxy it derivatives, start with the observations and then ask questions from that to see what answers they can come with to explain the original observations.

So, the next time you find yourself pondering this scenario or faced with it directly, hopefully my discussion of it will help in some way. If not, then by all means seek elsewhere, for this is an age where many answers and thoughts lay at the tips of your fingers.

Front Row Tickets to Tragedy

2008-10-13T21:02:00.000-05:00

It has been suggested that people who watch Saturday Night Live, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report are not taking this election seriously. Many people I have talked to seem to scoff at the notion that this Presidential Election (tm) can or should be laughed at.

To a point, I agree with them. But that point came and went early on when both parties decided who they would nominate for office.

On the republican side of things, you have Grandpa Simpson and Peggy Hill promising more of the same.

On the democrat side, a Pepsi spokesperson and Richie Rich sixty years after his inception promising "change", what ever the hell that means.

It occurred to me after last Tuesday's debate that what I was watching was a train wreck in slow motion. Each agonizing second was broadcast to homes across the nation where many a drinking game was played in order to deaden the pain caused by each utterance of "my friends" or "change." These caricatures that danced on television screens across this fine country were indistinguishable from their SNL counterparts.

So I say to the comedy naysayers: Whatever granite faced seriousness you approach this with will mean absolutely dick in the end.

But no matter which line you stand on, what principles you stand for, or whether you laugh or cry at these proceedings there is one thing we can all count on.

We all have front row tickets to another American Tragedy.

Music, writing, and mood.

2008-10-09T22:23:00.000-05:00

When I write, I listen to music that fits the mood of what I am working on. It is a habit I got into back when I lived in a college dorm and had room mates that were living their lives in our shared space and thus used headphones in order to focus.

What I found was that the tempo of the music carried my fingers are a rate that fit the story, and tone carried a certain set of words from deep within my mind.

When writer's block rears its ugly head, I will often turn off the lights, queue up a list of songs that fit the mood of what I am trying to write, and simply lie on my back and listen to what the music is telling me.

Once I have the mood good and settled on my brain like so much silt, I start mucking about with the characters internally. I think about their breakfasts, how they feel about an issue, where they would like to go to lunch, and how they deal with a crisis all in the frame work of the emotion that I am trying to convey.

Often I will find that if a character is sufficiently developed, they will spring into action right away and I can get to work. If not, then this exercise forces me to explore characters that may be weaker than I had once thought.

So, I encourage you to find your method of pecking away at your world and characters so that they can stand up on their own and live the lives you want them to.

How to finish a novel.

2008-10-03T22:38:00.000-05:00

In this post I will discuss the step by step process of writing a finished novel. It is a long, dusty road, so stick with me.

First, preparation. Only one step here, and that is have an idea of what you want to write.

Next, writing it. This is where the long list comes in.

1. Sit in your chair and write your damned story.

OK, I guess that was rather short after all. In all seriousness though that is the way to finish a novel. Suck it up and stick your ass in a chair until your eyes hurt and your brain is a wheezing wreck. Then, order a pizza, indulge a hobby or vice, and get back in the trenches.

This is seriously the hardest part of finishing anything. Let that simmer for a while as National Novel Writing Month looms before us.

Good luck.

Changing Times

2008-10-02T22:43:00.001-05:00

Oh, we fickle people. How things change.

As I sit and watch the financial markets eat themselves, it was brought to my attention by the lovely Kristin Freeman, that this is a rather new tune as compared to before.

Travel back with me, if you will, to 1999.

Ah, what a wonderful trip that was. As you can see, this sub-prime melt down came as no surprise. It was asked for, nay, begged for by the banking institutions of this country.
Will we ever learn that banks managing our money is like trusting a frat with your personal liquor stash.

When you come home and go to pour yourself a well deserved and hard earned drink, you find instead some strangers vomit all over the bottle, and little to no explanation as to where all your damned booze went and why. Then, when you start to ask about it, your landlord shows up out of no where, and tells you that they have a great idea to clean this up.

Why don't you give this frat some of your money so they can replenish their booze stocks?

Everyone is happy right? The landlord (who also owns the frat house) keeps his most valuable customers happy, and the frat gets to chug again this Friday.

Win-win right?

Oh, whats that? What about you? Well, since they went ahead and maxed out your card buying that booze, you will need to go ahead and stay late to pay it off, and go ahead and grab the interest while you are at it.

Well, maybe one day we will learn. If we can catch time between shifts that is not dedicated to sleeping or eating.

Science and Fiction: A Love Story.

2008-10-02T14:56:00.000-05:00

As I write this, I stare with great longing at the blank page of my most recent attempt at writing science fiction. It is no small task to approach a subject so based in reality, with so many rules and processes to consider, and express the beauty and wonder that lies just below its surface.

I see many writers go out to the far reaches of speculation and write about where ever their mind takes them. This far future fiction is often grounded in the ideas of today, and then drawn out to some spectacular point. This type of fiction is often as close as people can get. If things go awry, then it just is written off or ignored. The other side of this is near future fiction, in which technology is just one step or jump ahead of us. I will not bother going into the problems that it faces, for Charles Stross has already elegantly discussed it here.

Others, as put by Issac Asimov, write science fantasy. To clarify, they write something as Tolkien's Middle Earth, but instead of orcs and wizards, we get aliens and laser guns.

The reason I bring it up is because of how I want so much to be in that first category. Especially in the way that Stross or Gibson weave words around the the technology of this age and the next in a seamless mesh of fact and fancy. As I rise to this challenge, I encourage other writers endeavoring to write sci-fi to reach for the same. Let us bring the literary value of science fiction back to the table and try and reclaim the timelessness these works exist in.

Well, I suppose I am done ranting and had better get back to work.

The Agency Hunt and Letting Go

2008-09-30T23:06:00.000-05:00

There are many, many steps on the road to becoming an author. It involves patience, dedication, and a rather thick skin.

I say this because I am about to take the next, most dreaded step.

Agent hunting.

We all done shuddering now? Good.

In all of my time, few things have caused me this much tension and stress, but at the same time few things have left me with such a sense of excitement.

But with a third draft of a manuscript, the first couple chapters of another work, and a compilation of short stories in the pipeline I figured it was time to get off my lazy ass and get something done and take the steps to putting things into print.

It is not the fear of judgment or rejection that has stayed my hand this long. Nay, it is the fact that once it sits in its new shiny dust jacket and its new spot on the shelf, then it is no longer my private joy, but one I must now share with the world.

It is simultaneously heart breaking and beautiful and the only thing I can think to compare it to right now is of a mother letting go of their child's hand on that first day of school, or a father's hug to that same child on the day they graduate and enter into the world.

Once those steps are taken, the baby you have nurtured is off to make its own decisions and in turn have opinions formed about them.

A pure moment for pride and sorrow to grip one's heart and give one pause where action is needed.

Thus I address the envelope and once more read over its contents with a heavy heart. The long weeks of waiting are all that lie ahead as the children of my mind try find their way in this world.

Ron Paul is PISSED

2008-09-30T23:02:00.000-05:00

So... the bailout didn't pass. Saves me from being in debt 3k to the Chinese, but since I am not an economist I am not sure if it is good or bad. Need to do more reading.

But Ron Paul is pissed they even considered it.

And how.

Critical vs. Magical Thinking

2008-09-30T18:46:00.000-05:00

"Leave no stone unturned." - Euripides

These words are true, but to what extent?
The physical world?
The mental one?
The spiritual?

I would say, and there are those who would disagree and agree, that there is no limit. Skepticism is one of the boldest, most straight forward tools we possess.

In the recent months it has become alarmingly clear that people at large have lost all sense of critical thinking.

Take one good look at the evolution vs. creationism "debate" to see people on both sides ripping into each other with fallacies that have been long debunked.

All of it points to a lack of reading, either through choice or just an inability to read for meaning.
Fret not, dear reader, for UK-Skeptics and others are here to save us from the wild fields of ad-hominem and other knee jerk idiocy.

But first, what is magical thinking?

Magical thinking is usually defined as any type of thinking that takes the locus of control away from the individual and attributes it to some supernatural force. Be it luck, fate, Thor, or the Christian "God." These forces are mysterious, unverifiable, and at times completely insane.

Critical thinking, on the other hand, is a review of the evidence at hand with a mind ready to ask hard questions. The hardest being 'What exactly am I being asked to swallow?'. Critical thinkers then look at the evidence and decide what it really means.

So why the lecture?
In short, because I will be posting on topics that are controversial and it will be up to you, the reader to look through my evidence and evaluate its validity to you. If you can't do that, you don't belong anywhere until you can.

Here are some of my guidelines:

1. Don't disregard experts. If it is about biology, listen to the biologists, if it is about space listen to the astronomers. The list goes on. People disregard these people who have dedicated their lives to a subject. Examples of this include the anti-vaccination (pro-infectious disease) movement and the creationists in dealing with evolution.

2. Don't believe everything you read, but believe something you read after thinking critically. Weigh it against the proof you think you have, and if your's holds up then by all means keep it close. But don't start ranting up and down just because some "puppet" spouted off something that contradicts you. I'm looking at you 9/11 Truthers and the rest of the conspiracy theory nuts.

3. Don't be a complete wanker when someone calls your bluff. Either come up with counter examples or shut up. What you "believe" isn't valid in a discussion of facts.

No idea is sacred. All of it can be questioned and should be. Failure to do so leads to dogma.
The problem is knowing where to draw the line. My personal opinion on the matter is to cut it off at the point that verifiable facts outweigh nonsense.

So, in closing, please enjoy a useful resource here.

Fighting for Truth, Justice, and... American Immigration Reform?

2008-09-30T18:38:00.000-05:00

Superman.

We all know him, some people love him, others hate him.

For most, he is an unbreakable force of nature from another world here to save us from whatever disaster or villain happens to appear. (This in turn leads to another problem, but we can address that later.)

What many do not consider, is that the Caped Crusader is not from America, nor this world. Yet he chooses to stand by the common man and fight for 'Truth, Justice, and the American Way.'

Why is this, do you think?

I would say that it is often immigrants, aliens, and peoples from outside who take to heart what was once on everyone's lips. 'The American Dream'.

Here we have the example of an alien (from outer space no less) adopting a value set that was not his own, and taking it to heart so much that it is the focus of his life. How many people born here do you know that do the same? I can't say there are many that I know. I myself am just as guilty as anyone for taking the opportunities we in this country have for granted.

This is not to say that all immigrants do this. To say so would be foolish. Just as foolish as me saying all Americans take for granted what they have. But, it is a prevailing attitude, one that has cost us respect in the world at large. One that has caused a corrosive veneer to form on the once shining name of this country and her people.

I have seen news articles from many sources (CNN, Fox, AP, ect) discussing how some people feel that immigrants, both legal and illegal are 'stealing jobs from American workers'. But, I pose to you this question, how can someone coming to this country and calling it home and getting a job like any other good citizen be stealing? This sense of entitlement is insane. You are not entitled to a job just because you were born here.

Fortune favors the bold. The American Dream allows for us to make our own way here. To work for what we believe in. It would be sad to watch it die as people profess to believe in special interest and snivel about how they deserve a job because of some birthright. Should we return to the dark ages? Should America fall into the hands of noble houses?

Stand up I say, and grab your life by the reins as so many who took the initiative to found this country, to push it into being a superpower in both industry and technology, and continue to try and work their way through life.

Let these people come here if they want to be just like us. I see no reason not to.

Hell, maybe one of them is a Superman in hiding, waiting in the wings to stop the decline of America at the hands of her sons and daughters.

First and Foremost (Redux)

2008-09-30T18:36:00.000-05:00

I totally blew it when I created the first blog... so lets try this again. Below is my original post. I will get the rest moved over ASAP.

..............................................................

I believe introductions are in order. My name is Jarrad, and I am a fiction writer based in Texas. I enjoy critical thinking exercises, science (focusing on physics, astronomy, and biology), and always love a bit of controversy tossed into my day.

I hope you enjoy reading, and I look forward to comments left here.